It's been a year now...

Yes. It has been a year since I almost lost two precious members of my family. My daughter, Christina Marie, and her baby girl, Nora Elizabeth Jean Carter.

My emotions are going haywire today. Every lovely post about Nora. Every poignant memory of that day a year ago. Every heartfelt sentence about either of them brings fresh tears to my eyes. Not sorrow. Joy. I am so eternally grateful that God spared these two. I cannot wait to see how Nora grows and becomes a woman of great faith and see her trust in Jesus. She is a miracle. She is a strong, independent little girl. She has no idea that she should be developmentally delayed. She is trying to learn to walk. I love her smile.

I can still, though, feel the way my heart was pounding when I heard that Chris was hemorrhaging and that Nora would be born today in spite of the fact that it was almost 3 months early. I can still feel the utter panic when getting to the hospital. I can still feel the desperation in John's voice and the way his entire being was being crushed with the enormity of the situation. I can still remember praying without ceasing. Begging God to save them. Tears overwhelm me even now. It turned out fine, but the getting there was quite a ride, let me tell you. I still have the texts from that early morning. Some of them are not there, and I don't know why, but I will never forget the one that said, "Come now. I don't think she will still be here in the morning." Something no mother needs to hear from her son-in-law. Crippling fear ensued. Many prayers issued. When I wasn't strong enough to pray, others were interceding for me. I thank them all for that.

I can go back there whenever I want to. See, God doesn't spare us from sorrow and frightening things. It is like that quote from someone that says, "God doesn't always calm the storm, sometimes he calms the person in the storm." Something like that. I don't even know. I rarely quote platitudes, but this one fits. God did calm me. God did take care of my people. Why? Why mine and not others? I have no clue. I am just very very thankful that He did.

I didn't get to go back to see my daughter when she was fighting for her life. They wouldn't let me. I had bronchitis and was coughing all over the place. Stupid body. Why did I have to get sick then? Chris' sister was the one going back and forth instead of me. I was jealous sometimes that I wasn't the one getting the firsthand information. How childish, but I was selfishly wanting to see her with my own eyes. Thank God for cell phones and texting and sending pictures. Bethany was on the other end of the scary-ness this time, and she didn't like it much. It is so hard to be strong and positive when you are scared out of your mind. I just wanted to look in my daughter's eyes and see that she was not going to die.

I could breathe again when they said that the hemorrhaging had stopped. I could be cautiously optimistic. I could hope again. I could concentrate of praying for Nora. She was defying all odds. Without Jesus, none of this would have been possible.

Trust in Jesus. There is no other way to get through this life. You'll never be sorry.

Timing

"You see, my oldest child almost lost her life giving life to this wee little baby. I am still stunned by that fact. She almost died. I owe the lives of both of my daughters to the grace of God and Sentara Norfolk General Hospital. This narrative has a happy ending, but the middle is the hard part."

 I wrote this in December of 2012. Last Sunday, Sept. 8, 2013, our Pastor preached a sermon about being stuck in the middle and having a miraculous middle experience.

That sermon is positively true. If it hadn't been for the horrible middle of the experience with our little Nora and my baby girl, we wouldn't have experienced the miraculous middle miracle that happened. Practical application of the truth that was spoken on Sunday.

While I was scared and terrified and worried and beside myself, God was working on making a miracle for our family. I still think about the description that my sister-in-law described as she was praying for my daughter and granddaughter. She said this, "I saw the entire hospital circled by hundreds of prayer warriors with their hands and their hearts lifted to God, and I knew he was going to answer our prayers."

Friends, when you are stuck in the middle of harrowing times, just trust God. Pray and believe. He knows what He is doing. No matter what happens. No matter the outcome of the trial. No matter how long it takes. No matter if your prayers are answered the way you want them or not. God knows what He is doing. God is good, and God is great. He works miracles every single day in every single person. Big miracles, little miracles, ordinary miracles, but miracles, just the same. We don't even acknowledge all the miracles of each day that He gives us. He loves me. He loves you. He just wants to be near us. He has our best interests at heart.