Here I come to save the day...

My husband had been out of town since Sunday afternoon, so he wasn't around for all this drama.

I have had a harrowing few days with my little blind dog, Maddie. Monday night, she wasn't at home when I got there from work. Not terribly disturbing because, sometimes, she does wander a bit, but when she wasn't home by 8:00 p.m., I was a little concerned. I was beginning to worry.

I heard a loud knock on my door. There stood my neighbor with a lady, a little girl holding my dog, and a little boy. The lady said that her husband had just rescued our dog from the creek. She said they had seen something odd swimming around in circles in the creek and upon investigation, they discovered it to be a dog. OUR DOG. She said that her husband jumped into the creek and rescued the dog. Honestly, I do not know how they found me, but I know it had to do with my neighbor, because he was with them delivering Maddie to me. Maddie isn't wearing a collar. She rarely leaves the yard, we live on a private lane, etc. I know, I know, no excuse. Anyway, I was so relieved to see my dog, and was so overwhelmed that she was safe, that I didn't catch the lady's name. I feel bad about that, because I would like to write her a note. I did thank them profusely for saving her, though. All is well that ends well. Or so it would seem.

Anyway, to get along in this story. Early Wednesday morning, I let my pitiful blind dog outside to go potty before it got light. I now know that I should have stayed with her, but I was sleepy and didn't want to. Alas, I did not stay outside. I got up at 6:30 and called and called her. She did not come around. I got ready for work and decided to look for her by walking around the front of my house, down the lane a little, and circling through the neighbor's yard. I was at the end of their point when something told me to check the creek. You guessed it. There was Maddie, swimming around in circles in the creek. Well, I ran to my pier, shucked off my shoes, and proceeded to wade into the creek. She never even turned her head toward me when I was shrieking her name -- trying to get her to swim to me.

I am in my socks, but still -- Ewwww, gross. A crab crossed over my foot. I hate the creek. I hate mucky water. I hate not being able to see what I am walking through or on. I have no idea how deep the water is that she is in. I do not know how to swim. What in the world am I doing out here in this creek?

What I did know was that my little pitiful dog was swimming around in circles, probably scared to death. Oh, me, I could not let that dog drown. I proceeded to wade out -- getting stuck in the mud over and over, until I decided to try to go it on my knees so that I couldn't get stuck so much. I got to Maddie, and the water was over my shoulders up to my chin at that point. I even had on my glasses, so I surely didn't want to go in over my head. Anyway, I got to Maddie, cuddled her up, and then tried to carry her to the shore. It didn't work out so good. I kept losing my balance from trying to carry her and keep myself from going under at the same time. So, I did what I had to do. I kept shoving Maddie in the water ahead of me, trying not to push her underwater as I did. I got her to the shoreline, and when I picked her up, her little heart was racing. So was mine. Crisis averted.

I was a sight. I was covered in mud, my work clothes sopping wet, I was a mess. I was completely gross. I didn't want a wet dog in the house, so I put Maddie back in her dog pen and went back into the house -- peeled off those nasty clothes and re-showered and re-dressed for my workday.

Whew. I can tell you, it was pretty harrowing for me. I cried after it was all over, mainly because the shock of what happened had worn off. I guess we all have strengths we don't know we have until we need them.

I would never intentionally or voluntarily go into that creek, much less fully dressed. My husband says I showed courage that morning. I don't know about that. All I know is that I didn't want my dog to drown. If that is courage, then so be it. I did what I had to do.

In retrospect, there are many things I could have done differently. I could have gotten a life jacket from the boat and put it on myself. I could have used a net on a pole to try to shove her to the shoreline. I don't think that would have worked, though, because she was too far away from the pier for me to reach her. I could have gone for help from the neighbors, but honestly, who knows how long that poor dog had been treading water. I surely didn't. I like to think that she had just fallen in and I rescued her before she got too tired. I will never know, because Maddie isn't saying. I could have done many things, but I did what I did because, at the time, it was the only thing that made sense to me. So, that was my Wednesday morning.

Thank you, God, for not letting nasty things touch my body while I was in that water, and thank you for giving me the courage to rescue that dog. Thanks for letting me be able to save that dog and not drown myself in the process. I am grateful for Your many blessings. Amen.

P.S. I am going to be sure to watch Maddie very closely from now on so that I don't have to do that again.

To God Be The Glory

Okay, I admit it. My husband is out of town. No one is coming over. I am going to be alone tonight. I stopped at Farm Fresh to pick up bread and milk and a chick flick. OK, I was also going to pick up some potato chips and dip. I had my mind made up. I was going to treat myself--I deserve this. No one will ever know. I admit it, I am weak. I am struggling this week.

NO, I DID NOT DO IT. Praise be to God.

The reason for this post is to give God the glory for helping me resist a very very very strong temptation. I had the dip in my basket and was headed towards the chips. I put the dip back and went in the opposite direction. Not by my power, but by the power within me.

Would you like to know what I did buy? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. I bought Lean Pockets (6 points per serving), cucumbers, a bag of salad, 1% milk, diet bread, and diet sandwich thins. So there, God helped me save me from myself. Thank you, Lord, you have always had my back.

Struggling

I got to the 41 pound weight loss this week. Hooray. Not a huge loss for this week, but still a loss. That is all good.

This week, so far though, I am struggling. Now, the battle for my body is starting up again. I am having cravings, want to eat junk food, missing things that I can't eat on this diet, etc. It has been a hard week, so far. I haven't succumbed to many temptations, and I still have 24 weekly points (you get 35) that I can use. I just don't like to dip into them. It is like a savings account. Once you start taking it out, you end up spending it all. I am going to need a strong helper this week. God is able. He is willing. He is there for me. I know all that. I am so grateful for all of that. I am trying to rely on Him alone. I have to admit, though, I am struggling for control this week. I have no idea why. I am my own worst enemy.

It is the typical thing with the angel on one shoulder and the evil one on the other shoulder. The angel says things to me like, "You are doing so great, don't give up now. Your momentum is going strong. You are averaging 2 pounds a week weight loss, you want to keep that up. God is with you through this." The evil shoulder thing says things like this to me, "Go ahead, you deserve to treat yourself. After all, you have been doing this for 20 weeks -- you need a break. A little mayonnaise couldn't possibly sabotage you. Go ahead, reward yourself -- indulge. It can't hurt. It is the beginning of the week, it won't show up on the scale next Saturday." Aargh!

Our sermon this week at church was "Break Free." I am trying to break free from my addiction to food. I am sure that God planned this series just for me. It is something that I need to hear. I am only human, and I am fragile. My won't power is not as strong this week as it has been.


I admit, I am weak. It is what has landed me here in the first place. If I could control myself, I wouldn't be in this situation at all. God is ever faithful, and I am so glad about that. I just feel like this week that I could possibly fail again. I don't want to. I don't want to disappoint God or myself. I am going to have to pray every single meal, every single snack, every single morsel. Maybe that is what God wants me to do anyway. I'll let you guys know how I get through this week. See ya.

Another Weigh In Success

Well, last Saturday when I weighed in at Weight Watchers, I had lost another 2.8 pounds. For those of you counting, that is 40.6 pounds lost. I am seeing differences in my clothes, they are getting looser. They are still a big stretched out size, so I am not patting myself on the back too much--that can lead to rewards that I cannot have just now. When I meet a milestone, I reward myself with non-food things. A manicure, a new blouse, or some music from iTunes. Food awards I do not bestow.

Unfortunately though, pictures continue to frustrate me. Obviously, I have a better body image than the pictures show. Unfortunate for me, because I am stunned when I see pictures of me now. That woman in that picture is still enormous. Where exactly did I have those 40 pounds? My thighs for one. Enough said. But, they look much better now.

Anyway, my point of all this is not to beat myself up or denigrate my weight loss. It is to make myself aware that this is just the first third of this journey of weight loss. I have at least 85 more pounds to go. At least it isn't 125 anymore. Praise you, Lord for being with me throughout this process.

Weigh-in

I lost 1.2 pounds this week. Not a great thing, because I hadn't weighed in two weeks, and I wasn't all that impressed with myself. It isn't a bad thing, however, because any weight loss is great. I am trying not to focus on the scale. It is a measurement, not a judgement. I weighed in on a scale that is notorious for not being right. We, at Weight Watchers, do not know for sure, but that scale closest to the door doesn't seem as good as the others--it seems to weigh heavier than the other two. I will avoid that scale next Saturday and hope for a better result from a different scale. From my mouth to God's ear. That is the plan. I know if I am following the plan, results will come.