Struggling

I got to the 41 pound weight loss this week. Hooray. Not a huge loss for this week, but still a loss. That is all good.

This week, so far though, I am struggling. Now, the battle for my body is starting up again. I am having cravings, want to eat junk food, missing things that I can't eat on this diet, etc. It has been a hard week, so far. I haven't succumbed to many temptations, and I still have 24 weekly points (you get 35) that I can use. I just don't like to dip into them. It is like a savings account. Once you start taking it out, you end up spending it all. I am going to need a strong helper this week. God is able. He is willing. He is there for me. I know all that. I am so grateful for all of that. I am trying to rely on Him alone. I have to admit, though, I am struggling for control this week. I have no idea why. I am my own worst enemy.

It is the typical thing with the angel on one shoulder and the evil one on the other shoulder. The angel says things to me like, "You are doing so great, don't give up now. Your momentum is going strong. You are averaging 2 pounds a week weight loss, you want to keep that up. God is with you through this." The evil shoulder thing says things like this to me, "Go ahead, you deserve to treat yourself. After all, you have been doing this for 20 weeks -- you need a break. A little mayonnaise couldn't possibly sabotage you. Go ahead, reward yourself -- indulge. It can't hurt. It is the beginning of the week, it won't show up on the scale next Saturday." Aargh!

Our sermon this week at church was "Break Free." I am trying to break free from my addiction to food. I am sure that God planned this series just for me. It is something that I need to hear. I am only human, and I am fragile. My won't power is not as strong this week as it has been.


I admit, I am weak. It is what has landed me here in the first place. If I could control myself, I wouldn't be in this situation at all. God is ever faithful, and I am so glad about that. I just feel like this week that I could possibly fail again. I don't want to. I don't want to disappoint God or myself. I am going to have to pray every single meal, every single snack, every single morsel. Maybe that is what God wants me to do anyway. I'll let you guys know how I get through this week. See ya.