Yes. It has been a year since I almost lost two precious members of my family. My daughter, Christina Marie, and her baby girl, Nora Elizabeth Jean Carter.
My emotions are going haywire today. Every lovely post about Nora. Every poignant memory of that day a year ago. Every heartfelt sentence about either of them brings fresh tears to my eyes. Not sorrow. Joy. I am so eternally grateful that God spared these two. I cannot wait to see how Nora grows and becomes a woman of great faith and see her trust in Jesus. She is a miracle. She is a strong, independent little girl. She has no idea that she should be developmentally delayed. She is trying to learn to walk. I love her smile.
I can still, though, feel the way my heart was pounding when I heard that Chris was hemorrhaging and that Nora would be born today in spite of the fact that it was almost 3 months early. I can still feel the utter panic when getting to the hospital. I can still feel the desperation in John's voice and the way his entire being was being crushed with the enormity of the situation. I can still remember praying without ceasing. Begging God to save them. Tears overwhelm me even now. It turned out fine, but the getting there was quite a ride, let me tell you. I still have the texts from that early morning. Some of them are not there, and I don't know why, but I will never forget the one that said, "Come now. I don't think she will still be here in the morning." Something no mother needs to hear from her son-in-law. Crippling fear ensued. Many prayers issued. When I wasn't strong enough to pray, others were interceding for me. I thank them all for that.
I can go back there whenever I want to. See, God doesn't spare us from sorrow and frightening things. It is like that quote from someone that says, "God doesn't always calm the storm, sometimes he calms the person in the storm." Something like that. I don't even know. I rarely quote platitudes, but this one fits. God did calm me. God did take care of my people. Why? Why mine and not others? I have no clue. I am just very very thankful that He did.
I didn't get to go back to see my daughter when she was fighting for her life. They wouldn't let me. I had bronchitis and was coughing all over the place. Stupid body. Why did I have to get sick then? Chris' sister was the one going back and forth instead of me. I was jealous sometimes that I wasn't the one getting the firsthand information. How childish, but I was selfishly wanting to see her with my own eyes. Thank God for cell phones and texting and sending pictures. Bethany was on the other end of the scary-ness this time, and she didn't like it much. It is so hard to be strong and positive when you are scared out of your mind. I just wanted to look in my daughter's eyes and see that she was not going to die.
I could breathe again when they said that the hemorrhaging had stopped. I could be cautiously optimistic. I could hope again. I could concentrate of praying for Nora. She was defying all odds. Without Jesus, none of this would have been possible.
Trust in Jesus. There is no other way to get through this life. You'll never be sorry.
