Vulnerability

I read a blog the other day that got me to thinking some deep thoughts. Everyone keeps parts of themselves to themselves. It is human nature to only want to show the positive stuff to our family, friends, and aquaintances. I know of no one who is ready to be stripped bare for everyone to see everything inside them. It is a scary proposition. Vulnerability is a scary thing.

It's very definition:
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon: a vulnerable part of the body.
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.: an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery.
3. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend: a vulnerable bridge.

See all the possibilities? Wound, hurt, moral attack, criticism, tempation, open to assault. Being vulnerable is not for sissies.

That is why I believe our human nature enables us to put up invisible walls that persons cannot get through. It is kind of like being a superhero, except without the cape and cool uniform and all. Invisible walls protect our psyche, protect our heart, protect our mind, protect our very soul. We only allow people to see what we want them to see. A persona of sorts. One for every occasion. I do it. I have a "work" persona, a "church" persona, a "family" persona, etc. I act and do things differently in each of those situations. Some are more like the real me than others, but rarely do I let the total "me" out of the box. I don't know if I ever have, really.

It is no secret that most people have stuff in their past they want to forget. Mine is no different. I had not so hot parents -- totally not so hot step parents -- family alcoholism, etc. It goes on and on, but I truly believe with all of my heart that if I hadn't of had the life that I did, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. My parental units did not get up everyday and say, "Wonder what I can do to screw with my kids today." They did the best they could. Their best just wasn't good enough. No one's is. Our best is Jesus Christ. He is our best. Thank God that my heavenly Father is the one that leads me now.

That old cliche about "What does not kill you will only make you stronger" is a bunch of hooey. Maybe whatever it is doesn't kill you, but sometimes, it makes you weak. Sometimes, yes, it does make you stronger, but mostly, it makes you wary. Wary of strangers, wary of intimacy, wary of your abilities, wary of lots of stuff. It is only through God's eyes that we can be seen perfectly for who we are, not who we pretend to be. God sees all and knows all. You can't hide yourself from God.

It is a good thing that we all can experience God's Grace. He can forgive us and see us in our bare, naked selves and not be ashamed of us. He knew me then, He knows me now, and He loves me still, somehow. I cling to that.