Day 5

Don't worry. I have no intention of turning this blog into a diet journal. I do plan to blog about my progress, but I won't do it every single day or anything. It is the focus of my mind right now. I have to keep my head into this so that I don't fail. So, bear with me, and if you get sick of hearing about it. Just stop reading.

I just thought you might like to know that I have had an epiphany of sorts. I discovered today that even when I am alone, I am not alone. God is with me. Even when I don't realize it. I know it isn't a new thing that I just discovered, it is a well known truth that I am just making real to myself in regards to this dieting. It is not news to me, I have always known that God is with me. I just figured that He turned his head as far as my weight goes. I don't think that is true anymore. I feel that God is telling me that every single time I overeat, it hurts Him. Because I am making food my focus in my life instead of Him. Powerful stuff. Scary stuff. I have made a commitment to God and to myself to overcome this demon in my life.

I used to eat in secret. As often as I could and sometimes as much as I could. I was very good at sneaking food. It is a pitiful thing to have to admit, but one that I feel I need to bring out into the open. Yes, this has only been a diet of 5 days, but God is helping me in so many different ways. I share what I eat (meaning I tell and write down what I eat every day) with my husband. The old me would never do that. I would lie through my teeth to keep people from finding out what I was actually eating. Not a good thing to have to admit, I must say. Obviously, I ate much more than I should. You can look at me and tell that. That is not what I am getting at. What I am getting at is this... God knows exactly what I am doing all the time that I am doing it. He doesn't slap my hand and tell me to put that food down. Oh, no. I have free will, I can do or not do whatever i want. I am just as addicted to food as some are addicted to alcohol or drugs. It stops now.

Another thing that is true about me. I have to nearly starve myself in order to lose weight. The slightest cheating will bring on abysmal failure that week on the scale. Apparently, my body likes to hold on to every ounce of fat that I have. It is like it knows that I have cheated and it punishes me for the slightest infraction of the plan. I also have hypothyroidism. That means my thyroid isn't working. I take medication for the condition daily. It isn't the kind of thyroid problem that helps you lose weight, it helps you keep what you have. No excuse, however, because if I read it correctly, the medication is doing the work that the thyroid isn't. So, it stands to reason that it shouldn't hinder my dieting progress. From my mouth to God's ears. Anyway, I am dispelling all the reasons that I can't lose weight because I can do it. I just have to do it.

I was reading the message board about fellow dieters and one woman said this, "I finally lost 4.4 lbs. It took over a month of being on the program to accomplish this." Man, I pray that doesn't happen to me. I would like for the weight to just fall off, but I know that isn't realistic, nor is it healthy. I just want a steady decline on the scale. Is that too much to ask? I pray for myself every meal so that I have the strength to do what is right. When I think on things of Him instead of the food, then it seems easier to do what is right. So, my plan is this -- Follow the diet plan outlined in Weight Watchers, pray before every meal, pray more between meals so that I pick healthy and "allowable" snacks, praise God when I make it through the day without cheating, praise God whenever I lose even a single ounce, and pray some more to keep this resolve. With all that praying and help from God, then I won't fail. Sounds good to me.