Sadness Again

It has taken me awhile to blog about this because I was so mad about it. You see, my daughter lost one of her twins. Baby B. Baby A is doing fine and I should be happy about that. I am happy about that. BUT, I am still mad about Baby B. I have been so certain that whatever else was going on with the uterine hemorrhage, that God would honor my daughter and let her keep her babies. I had complete peace about it. This will probably be her last pregnancy. Apparently, God had other ideas. I have no idea why He didn't let her carry Baby B to delivery, but I have every assurance that he is in heaven with Jesus. I have no idea why He does allow stuff like this to happen. My daughter wanted these twins so much. Even if seems so unfair, the bottom line is this - No matter what happens, God is good all the time. His ways are not our ways. He knows how this life will play out. I am good with that.

I am allowed to be mad about Baby B. He allows my feeble attempt at being mad and throwing a temper tantrum because He knows me better than I know myself. I still honor God. I still love Jesus. I am still filled with the Holy Spirit. I know that my anger will wear itself out, I know that God will comfort me even when I act like a spoiled brat.

You don't stop loving your children just because they behave badly. He loves me still, He always will. I have that eternal assurance. He allows me to have my temper tantrums because He knows that ultimately, I will behave better because He lives inside my heart. God is good.

My three parts of my nuclear family have been broken in some way for a few weeks. My husband got a knee infection and had surgery on his knee. He was on IV antibiotics (that he administered himself through a PICC line) and housebound for about the last two weeks. My oldest child lost her twin and has been on bed rest for her pregnancy for about 6 weeks. She is amazing in her faith. My youngest daughter is now facing pre-pre eclampsia. She is on bed rest, too, and has a very positive attitude. Only for a few more days will she be on bed rest. She is scheduled to deliver her little boy on Monday. I can barely wait to see his little face. Things are starting to turn around for all three of them. I am so glad and thankful to Jesus that they are in His care.

You see, no matter what I am going through, I realize and recognize that God has my family in the palm of His hands. He will let nothing happen that He isn't in control of. Even my bad temper. Forgive me, Lord. I know you have my back. You always have. You always will.