I wonder what happens to people who you thought were your friends? What happens when they drop out of your life? What are you supposed to think? I used to think I was a pretty good friend, but now, I am not so sure. Several people in my life have dropped out of my life. Completely dropped out. I am very sad about this. What makes it okay to be friends for awhile, then stop being friends? Stop emailing? Stop talking? Stop finding time to be together? Unfriending me on facebook? I realized the other day that if it weren't for my immediate family, I would have very few (if any) friends. I love my family, but family is not what I am talking about today. I am talking about friends. Friends that I invested myself in. Friends that I guess I let down in some way. What is it about me that makes me so easy to forget? What have I done consciously or unconsciously to become nothing more than an acquaintance? I must be hard to be friends with, that is all I can think of. I didn't think I was a high maintenance friend, but maybe I am. I am going to pray about this and see if I can get an answer.
I am not asking for compliments. I am not trying to get attention. I am not depressed. I am just thinking about this a lot lately. I am just trying to figure this all out.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Children
I have had babies on the brain lately. It started with a baby shower this past weekend. Pregnancy possibility. Then a private adoption thing I heard about. Seeing a new mother with her adopted child. Finding out the sex of a friend's baby. The couple in our church going through IVF. There are so many ways to have a baby. No matter how you get your baby, the end result is universal. Your lives will never be the same again.
I think it is a good thing. Having a child (no matter how that is accomplished) is one way to be sure that you won't be selfish anymore. Nothing like having a child to make you think about someone besides yourself. Those little things demand to be taken care of. Very loudly. Very fervently. Very often. The rewards of having a child are many. Those unexpected hugs around the neck from a sweaty little person are precious. The joy of watching them sit up for the first time, their first smile, their first tooth, their first steps. Such great milestones. Watching them grow is a miracle to behold.
Babies are so cute. Babies are so sweet. Babies sometimes smell delicious, sometimes not. Then they grow up, or at least they think they are grown up.
God give us our children as babies so that we will fall in love with them and not kill them during their high school years.
If you ran an ad for a teenager -- who would want it? Teenagers are typically depicted as surly, smart-mouthed, sleepy, selfish, grouchy, relentlessly needy people. Some of the teenagers I know are certainly like that, though some are not at all like that. Some pre-teen kids are already on that track. Some elementary school children are on that track. Some parents allow their children to speak to them in ways they would not let another human being on earth talk to them. Why do they do that? Because those children have worn their parents down and they are helpless to defend themselves. You know that the Grand Canyon was just a trickle of water to start with, don't you? But, after years and years of relentless dripping, the Grand Canyon became what it is today. That is how teenagers get their way. Hours and hours of constant, relentless begging. Honestly, I think most children should be locked away from the time they are 16 until they are about 25. That is when they start realizing that their parents aren't as stupid as they thought they were.
It is true. We have control over what we will take from people. People treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. So, how come the kids today are allowed to be so disrespectful to their parents and other adults? Because we allow them that freedom. It isn't a good thing. Our children are the next generation's adults. Surly, rude adults in some cases.
I feel old. Honestly, I am sure that every generation's grandmas and grandpas have thought that the children of today get away with way more than they ever got away with. It is true. Mothers and Fathers on the whole hate the music their children listen to incessantly, disapprove of their choice of friends, don't like the way their room always looks, and generally they don't like the time they spend on the phone and computer. The way they dress is questionable, also. That is a whole topic in and of itself. Who is the first parent who said "Let's get a pair of really short shorts that show off the buttocks, and put the word 'JUICY' on the back of it and let our beautiful child wear them." Seriously? Why would you want that on your child's butt? Why do you allow your child to wear such a garment? What has happened to modesty? What has happened to courtesy? How did this happen?
We have let it happen. Our generation raised a generation of adults that said, in effect, that nothing is their fault. It is all your parents fault. Nothing is wrong with you. You are perfect. What a crock. No parent ever got up every day and said, "What can I do today to screw up my kid?" Sometimes it is your fault. You made a wrong choice, you took the wrong path. Your parent didn't stand over you and make you do anything. As an adult, you get to choose the paths you take. You make your own choices. You can either be a victim of your upbringing, or let your upbringing just be part of what makes you your own person. Everyone endures adversity. It is how we handle that adversity that makes us strong, not the adversity itself. Our reactions and choices make us into responsible, happy adults, or makes us into whiny, self-absorbed, miserable adults. Stop letting your children talk to you like you are nothing. Stop letting them decide where you eat dinner. Stop letting them make the decisions about themselves -- they don't know what is best for them. Take charge of those kids and raise them into people we can be proud of. Respectful, honest, God-fearing people.
That is all we want for our kids, so it is our responsibility to help mold them with those intentions. So go raise your kid to be the kind of person you think everyone would like to emulate. Go on, you can do it!
I think it is a good thing. Having a child (no matter how that is accomplished) is one way to be sure that you won't be selfish anymore. Nothing like having a child to make you think about someone besides yourself. Those little things demand to be taken care of. Very loudly. Very fervently. Very often. The rewards of having a child are many. Those unexpected hugs around the neck from a sweaty little person are precious. The joy of watching them sit up for the first time, their first smile, their first tooth, their first steps. Such great milestones. Watching them grow is a miracle to behold.
Babies are so cute. Babies are so sweet. Babies sometimes smell delicious, sometimes not. Then they grow up, or at least they think they are grown up.
God give us our children as babies so that we will fall in love with them and not kill them during their high school years.
If you ran an ad for a teenager -- who would want it? Teenagers are typically depicted as surly, smart-mouthed, sleepy, selfish, grouchy, relentlessly needy people. Some of the teenagers I know are certainly like that, though some are not at all like that. Some pre-teen kids are already on that track. Some elementary school children are on that track. Some parents allow their children to speak to them in ways they would not let another human being on earth talk to them. Why do they do that? Because those children have worn their parents down and they are helpless to defend themselves. You know that the Grand Canyon was just a trickle of water to start with, don't you? But, after years and years of relentless dripping, the Grand Canyon became what it is today. That is how teenagers get their way. Hours and hours of constant, relentless begging. Honestly, I think most children should be locked away from the time they are 16 until they are about 25. That is when they start realizing that their parents aren't as stupid as they thought they were.
It is true. We have control over what we will take from people. People treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. So, how come the kids today are allowed to be so disrespectful to their parents and other adults? Because we allow them that freedom. It isn't a good thing. Our children are the next generation's adults. Surly, rude adults in some cases.
I feel old. Honestly, I am sure that every generation's grandmas and grandpas have thought that the children of today get away with way more than they ever got away with. It is true. Mothers and Fathers on the whole hate the music their children listen to incessantly, disapprove of their choice of friends, don't like the way their room always looks, and generally they don't like the time they spend on the phone and computer. The way they dress is questionable, also. That is a whole topic in and of itself. Who is the first parent who said "Let's get a pair of really short shorts that show off the buttocks, and put the word 'JUICY' on the back of it and let our beautiful child wear them." Seriously? Why would you want that on your child's butt? Why do you allow your child to wear such a garment? What has happened to modesty? What has happened to courtesy? How did this happen?
We have let it happen. Our generation raised a generation of adults that said, in effect, that nothing is their fault. It is all your parents fault. Nothing is wrong with you. You are perfect. What a crock. No parent ever got up every day and said, "What can I do today to screw up my kid?" Sometimes it is your fault. You made a wrong choice, you took the wrong path. Your parent didn't stand over you and make you do anything. As an adult, you get to choose the paths you take. You make your own choices. You can either be a victim of your upbringing, or let your upbringing just be part of what makes you your own person. Everyone endures adversity. It is how we handle that adversity that makes us strong, not the adversity itself. Our reactions and choices make us into responsible, happy adults, or makes us into whiny, self-absorbed, miserable adults. Stop letting your children talk to you like you are nothing. Stop letting them decide where you eat dinner. Stop letting them make the decisions about themselves -- they don't know what is best for them. Take charge of those kids and raise them into people we can be proud of. Respectful, honest, God-fearing people.
That is all we want for our kids, so it is our responsibility to help mold them with those intentions. So go raise your kid to be the kind of person you think everyone would like to emulate. Go on, you can do it!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Church Snobs
What I am going to say will offend some. What I am going to say is going to make some mad. However, I do not think I can rest until I say this.
I am happy that you LOVE your new church. I am excited for you that you have found your place. I don't wish you anything but peace, and I don't begrudge your decision to attend that church. I just want the same consideration in the choice of my church. No church is perfect, because they are run by people. People can unintentionally offend, people hurt other people without meaning to, people are sometimes mean, people are human with human frailties. We all make mistakes and are all imperfect. Thankfully, Jesus has our backs.
Your church is probably great. Your church is probably where you need to be. Your church has probably got wonderful people in it. Your church may have deep intellectual subject matter. Your church may fill up your weekdays with activities. Your church's music may be awesome. Your pastor may be the greatest thing since sliced bread. Your church may possibly be the answer to your prayer to God. If so, I am so glad you found it. What I have to say is this - Don't say mean or hurtful things about my church just because you like yours so much better. That makes you a church snob, and I will pray for you.
We have many churches and many different personalities in our town. It isn't the church or the building that makes a church right for someone. It is the relationship with Jesus that matters. If you love your church, that is great, but you should keep your comments and digs about your former church to yourself. What you sow, you shall reap, so be careful what words you use. Sour grapes are not a good meal.
I just pray that you will see that it is not about you. It is about Jesus. I wonder how Jesus feels about you saying mean things about His church. I doubt that He is proud of your actions, and He may even be a little embarrassed.
I pray that I am not a church snob, although, I do love my church. I just don't see the need to rub everyone's nose in it.
I am happy that you LOVE your new church. I am excited for you that you have found your place. I don't wish you anything but peace, and I don't begrudge your decision to attend that church. I just want the same consideration in the choice of my church. No church is perfect, because they are run by people. People can unintentionally offend, people hurt other people without meaning to, people are sometimes mean, people are human with human frailties. We all make mistakes and are all imperfect. Thankfully, Jesus has our backs.
Your church is probably great. Your church is probably where you need to be. Your church has probably got wonderful people in it. Your church may have deep intellectual subject matter. Your church may fill up your weekdays with activities. Your church's music may be awesome. Your pastor may be the greatest thing since sliced bread. Your church may possibly be the answer to your prayer to God. If so, I am so glad you found it. What I have to say is this - Don't say mean or hurtful things about my church just because you like yours so much better. That makes you a church snob, and I will pray for you.
We have many churches and many different personalities in our town. It isn't the church or the building that makes a church right for someone. It is the relationship with Jesus that matters. If you love your church, that is great, but you should keep your comments and digs about your former church to yourself. What you sow, you shall reap, so be careful what words you use. Sour grapes are not a good meal.
I just pray that you will see that it is not about you. It is about Jesus. I wonder how Jesus feels about you saying mean things about His church. I doubt that He is proud of your actions, and He may even be a little embarrassed.
I pray that I am not a church snob, although, I do love my church. I just don't see the need to rub everyone's nose in it.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Fashion Nonsense
I don't approve of scantily clad young girls washing cars. I know, I am old fashioned, but really? They have to wear short shorts and skin tight tank tops to wash cars? I am not a fan of youth raising money by having car washes. I think that there are too many of them, and I find the children posted in the medians of the highway a traffic hazard. Where are their parents when they go to these activities? Have we, as parents and/or grandparents, lost our ability to say, "Go back inside and come out with something decent on."? How have we let this happen? Who was the first parent to let their kid go outside with his father's jean shorts down around his butt cheeks? When on earth is that going out of style? I saw a young man walking outside yesterday with his entire butt showing out of the top of his giant shorts that went down to is ankles. How are they still considered shorts? He had on underwear (thank the Lord), but his pants were clearly 5 sizes too big for him. I, for one, did not want to look at his underpants. How is that attractive? I know I am not a clothes horse, nor am I particularly trendy or fashionable, but I do know what looks terrible. Just check out some of the clothes on the awkward photo site. Those are some terrible clothes. When did we become desensitized to decent apparel? Modesty is a virtue that is lacking on a large scale in many of our young people. I guess when the hippies decided to burn their bras, they left the fashion world with a lot of options. I know that clothes don't make the man, but you can sure come up with some snap opinions when you look at some of the outfits that people wear. I am afraid that I cannot help but make rude comments under my breath when I see what people are wearing these days. Not that it is any of my business.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
A Baby Girl
Well, we just got the news. My newest grandchild will be a girl. So exciting. I can't wait to get to the stores and shop for her. I love my grandchildren. God did good when He created them. Praise Him for all his many blessings. They are all such special people. This one will be my number seven and her mother's number five. I am so blessed. Her name will be Claire Victoria-Marie Carter. They are using her paternal grandmother's name for the middle name (Victoria) and Marie is Chris' middle name and my middle name, so, she is named after her mother and maternal grandmother. I love it and I am honored by that. Claire will certainly be loved, that is for sure.
I thought this baby was going to be a boy. I have been right in my predictions for a long time now, but the last three predictions have been wrong. My mojo is off. Don't know why. I used to be so good at this. I just told my niece/cousin the other day that I thought her baby was going to be a girl. I guess we better get out the blue stuff. I have been wrong so much, that I wouldn't take much stock in my predictions anymore.
That said, I am very excited that this is a baby girl. However, I would have been just as excited if it had been a boy. I love my grandchildren--every single one of them. I guess I could say that I am partial to girls, having only had girls, and having six of my grandchildren be girls, but I love my boy grandchild, too. He is very lovable and so very special.
Each one is different from the others. Briefly, here is the way they are:
Julia - very artistic, very secure in herself, beautiful, smart, my first.
Aubrey - very sweet, very kind, beautiful, smart, my second.
Chase - very tender hearted, very much a boy, handsome, smart, my third.
Eden - very dramatic, very crafty, beautiful, smart, my fourth.
Addy Lin - very busy, very loving, beautiful, smart, my fifth.
Lila - very opinionated, very verbal, beautiful, too smart for her own good, my sixth.
Claire - TBD - I am sure she will be just as perfect as all the others.
There are so many other attributes that they have that if I listed them all, they post would be entirely too long. As you can guess, I think highly of my grandchildren. I believe they will be awesome adults because they are such awesome kids. They are being raised by Christian parents who love them and lift them up in prayer every single day. I pray for them, too. I pray for their parents. I love my daughters more than they could possibly imagine. I think they are very awesome individuals, and I think they are good wives to their husbands, and good mothers to their children. They grew up to be very special women to a lot of people, and they did this in spite of the mistakes that I made as a mother. I share them with very special grandparents, too. Their other parents are good people who love them and pray for them and their grandchildren as well. They make great in-laws for my girls. I know that my girls are loved by their husbands' parents. That is a good thing. Actually, that is a great thing.
I think my family and their families are the greatest.
I thought this baby was going to be a boy. I have been right in my predictions for a long time now, but the last three predictions have been wrong. My mojo is off. Don't know why. I used to be so good at this. I just told my niece/cousin the other day that I thought her baby was going to be a girl. I guess we better get out the blue stuff. I have been wrong so much, that I wouldn't take much stock in my predictions anymore.
That said, I am very excited that this is a baby girl. However, I would have been just as excited if it had been a boy. I love my grandchildren--every single one of them. I guess I could say that I am partial to girls, having only had girls, and having six of my grandchildren be girls, but I love my boy grandchild, too. He is very lovable and so very special.
Each one is different from the others. Briefly, here is the way they are:
Julia - very artistic, very secure in herself, beautiful, smart, my first.
Aubrey - very sweet, very kind, beautiful, smart, my second.
Chase - very tender hearted, very much a boy, handsome, smart, my third.
Eden - very dramatic, very crafty, beautiful, smart, my fourth.
Addy Lin - very busy, very loving, beautiful, smart, my fifth.
Lila - very opinionated, very verbal, beautiful, too smart for her own good, my sixth.
Claire - TBD - I am sure she will be just as perfect as all the others.
There are so many other attributes that they have that if I listed them all, they post would be entirely too long. As you can guess, I think highly of my grandchildren. I believe they will be awesome adults because they are such awesome kids. They are being raised by Christian parents who love them and lift them up in prayer every single day. I pray for them, too. I pray for their parents. I love my daughters more than they could possibly imagine. I think they are very awesome individuals, and I think they are good wives to their husbands, and good mothers to their children. They grew up to be very special women to a lot of people, and they did this in spite of the mistakes that I made as a mother. I share them with very special grandparents, too. Their other parents are good people who love them and pray for them and their grandchildren as well. They make great in-laws for my girls. I know that my girls are loved by their husbands' parents. That is a good thing. Actually, that is a great thing.
I think my family and their families are the greatest.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Another Conundrum
Oh, man. It seems like I cannot catch a break. It is a known fact that I have a slight affection for office supplies. Pens, ink, note pads, post-its, etc. Well, someone very sweet gave me an olive tree box complete with post-it notes. It is proudly setting on my desk. Alas, however, I will never be able to use the post-its in it. There is a perfectly logical explanation.
Why you ask? That is such a great question. The reason is because I cannot find anything to refill it should I use up all the post-its in it. I spent a few minutes this morning checking out the office supply sites and that size is not available. Now, why would they make such a beautiful box and then not have the size post-its available for refills? I have no earthly idea. The problem is, I CANNOT use it now. Because, you ask? Because I cannot possibly use it for fear of running out of the right sized post-it notes. You see my problem? I am completely unable to use them.
It sounds like a silly problem, but for someone with office supply OCD, I cannot control myself. I have tried. My children have been known to kid me about my note pads. I cannot use them because if I do, then they will be gone. Simple enough. I use scrap paper or the backs of old notes instead. I have lovely note pads, and if I have more than one, then I can use them. If not, then no. Not possible. I keep them in a box on my computer desk.
Just in case anyone reads this and can find them, the size of the post-it is 2 5/8 x 3 inches.
Help me.
Why you ask? That is such a great question. The reason is because I cannot find anything to refill it should I use up all the post-its in it. I spent a few minutes this morning checking out the office supply sites and that size is not available. Now, why would they make such a beautiful box and then not have the size post-its available for refills? I have no earthly idea. The problem is, I CANNOT use it now. Because, you ask? Because I cannot possibly use it for fear of running out of the right sized post-it notes. You see my problem? I am completely unable to use them.
It sounds like a silly problem, but for someone with office supply OCD, I cannot control myself. I have tried. My children have been known to kid me about my note pads. I cannot use them because if I do, then they will be gone. Simple enough. I use scrap paper or the backs of old notes instead. I have lovely note pads, and if I have more than one, then I can use them. If not, then no. Not possible. I keep them in a box on my computer desk.
Just in case anyone reads this and can find them, the size of the post-it is 2 5/8 x 3 inches.
Help me.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mother's Day
Today is Mother's Day. I had a great day. Good service at church. Blessed by that. Got to spend time with some very special ladies in the church nursery loving on those sweet little babies.
I feel completely valued and loved. My kids did pictures of the grandchildren specifically for me. They even dressed them in purple (my favorite color). I love them. I love the pictures. I am so honored to have been given these beautiful daughters from God. I am completely blown away by the wonderful women they have become. They are just so great.
Wayne hung my new light fixture over the table in the dining room -- I didn't think he was going to do that, but was pleasantly surprised that he did. He bought me a very thoughtful gift. He loves me. I am totally blessed.
I got a sweet text from my little sister wishing me a Happy Mother's Day.
We had a good cookout with Wayne's mom at his sister Amy's house. Was surprised with a very thoughtful gift from the Israeli family that Amy has been working with (made me all misty-eyed).
Such good times with family. Catching up. Watching the children play with such gusto and abandon. Taking pictures. Eating way too much fabulous food. Talking with sisters-in-law. Enjoying my beautiful nieces and their wonderful kids. Loving this special celebration. Savoring the time together. Love my family. Feeling very emotional and tender hearted today.
Even still--as good as the day was--I miss my mother. I just do.
I feel completely valued and loved. My kids did pictures of the grandchildren specifically for me. They even dressed them in purple (my favorite color). I love them. I love the pictures. I am so honored to have been given these beautiful daughters from God. I am completely blown away by the wonderful women they have become. They are just so great.
Wayne hung my new light fixture over the table in the dining room -- I didn't think he was going to do that, but was pleasantly surprised that he did. He bought me a very thoughtful gift. He loves me. I am totally blessed.
I got a sweet text from my little sister wishing me a Happy Mother's Day.
We had a good cookout with Wayne's mom at his sister Amy's house. Was surprised with a very thoughtful gift from the Israeli family that Amy has been working with (made me all misty-eyed).
Such good times with family. Catching up. Watching the children play with such gusto and abandon. Taking pictures. Eating way too much fabulous food. Talking with sisters-in-law. Enjoying my beautiful nieces and their wonderful kids. Loving this special celebration. Savoring the time together. Love my family. Feeling very emotional and tender hearted today.
Even still--as good as the day was--I miss my mother. I just do.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Conundrum
Lately, I have been thinking about my language. I have been wondering...if you use different words for swear words, is that really any different than actually using the swear words? Honestly, doesn't God already know what you were going to say before you cleaned it up? Who are we trying to fool? I need to clean up my act. I use inappropriate words sometimes. Sometimes more than sometimes. It is something that I have been working on for awhile. Something that I will probably always have to work on. Why do we need to use swear words? I do not know. All I know is this...I need to clean up my words.
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29.
That should be enough for me. The Bible says it. I need to just do it.
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29.
That should be enough for me. The Bible says it. I need to just do it.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Good Friday
Friday, April 2, 2010
Good Friday can mean many things. It can mean, "Good, it's Friday." It can mean, "Wow, this is a good Friday," or it can mean that this is the day that most Christians contemplate what Jesus did for us. He died for us. He gave up everything He had for us. Did He know when He was a child what He was going to have to do? Can you imagine knowing that and trying to live a normal life? I am so glad that Jesus did what he did, and I am thankful that He was willing to do that for me. I am awed by the knowledge that He would have died for me even if I was the only person on earth. I am special to Jesus. I have much to contemplate this day.
I almost lost my child. I have lost two babies before they were born. I know about loss. I have lost my mother, my father, my grandparents, and numerous other special people. I think that once you get to be my age, you recognize what an honor it is to have family members. How could God let His son die for us? He did not set out to do this because it was an easy thing to do--He knew that as humans, we couldn't do it for ourselves, so He gave up His Son for us. I can imagine that knowing that Jesus was going to come out of the tomb was a comfort, but the pain that He had to go through before he died was horrific. I am sure God was grieved at knowing what his Son was going to have to go through to sacrifice Himself for our sins. The pain that I felt when I thought that my daughter was going to die was an unbearable pain. I hated it. I was mad. I was hurting. I was lost. I cannot imagine giving birth to a child and knowing it was going to die a horrible death, even knowing as He did that He was going to rise again and rule with Him.
Jesus did this for you, too. Hopefully, you already know this and have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior. My prayer is that if you do not know Him, that you accept Him as your savior. It is never too late to turn to Jesus. He is waiting anxiously for all to come to Him. Don't wait. It is so great to have the knowledge that I am going to forever be with Jesus in Heaven. I don't have to walk this earthly path alone. He is with me every step of the way.
Thank you, Jesus for your sacrifice for me. I am so honored to be one of your chosen people.
Good Friday can mean many things. It can mean, "Good, it's Friday." It can mean, "Wow, this is a good Friday," or it can mean that this is the day that most Christians contemplate what Jesus did for us. He died for us. He gave up everything He had for us. Did He know when He was a child what He was going to have to do? Can you imagine knowing that and trying to live a normal life? I am so glad that Jesus did what he did, and I am thankful that He was willing to do that for me. I am awed by the knowledge that He would have died for me even if I was the only person on earth. I am special to Jesus. I have much to contemplate this day.
I almost lost my child. I have lost two babies before they were born. I know about loss. I have lost my mother, my father, my grandparents, and numerous other special people. I think that once you get to be my age, you recognize what an honor it is to have family members. How could God let His son die for us? He did not set out to do this because it was an easy thing to do--He knew that as humans, we couldn't do it for ourselves, so He gave up His Son for us. I can imagine that knowing that Jesus was going to come out of the tomb was a comfort, but the pain that He had to go through before he died was horrific. I am sure God was grieved at knowing what his Son was going to have to go through to sacrifice Himself for our sins. The pain that I felt when I thought that my daughter was going to die was an unbearable pain. I hated it. I was mad. I was hurting. I was lost. I cannot imagine giving birth to a child and knowing it was going to die a horrible death, even knowing as He did that He was going to rise again and rule with Him.
Jesus did this for you, too. Hopefully, you already know this and have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior. My prayer is that if you do not know Him, that you accept Him as your savior. It is never too late to turn to Jesus. He is waiting anxiously for all to come to Him. Don't wait. It is so great to have the knowledge that I am going to forever be with Jesus in Heaven. I don't have to walk this earthly path alone. He is with me every step of the way.
Thank you, Jesus for your sacrifice for me. I am so honored to be one of your chosen people.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Valentine's Day
I don't see why there is such a controversy over Valentine's Day. Isn't Thanksgiving just another Thursday? Isn't Easter just one Sunday when everyone goes to church like they should do in the first place? No, I haven't forgotten why we celebrate Easter, but not everyone does. I am not trying to denigrate those other special days, I am just pondering why Valentine's Day causes such vehemence in people.
Honestly, I don't see why people get in an uproar because of this day. If it isn't a "real" holiday, then why is it celebrated with such gusto by some folks? Personally, I could take it or leave it. I don't have a strong opinion of Valentine's Day. It should just be a fun day where you go above and beyond to show your special someone that you care. Yes, it should happen every day, but it rarely does. Let the romantics have a field day with it.
Give it a rest Valentine's Day haters. Everyone has an opinion, but for those who love Valentine's Day, don't spoil it for them. Let them enjoy being special to someone, and being special for someone. Play along. It really won't hurt a bit if you do. You just might make someone's day -- and who couldn't use some extra attention?
Honestly, I don't see why people get in an uproar because of this day. If it isn't a "real" holiday, then why is it celebrated with such gusto by some folks? Personally, I could take it or leave it. I don't have a strong opinion of Valentine's Day. It should just be a fun day where you go above and beyond to show your special someone that you care. Yes, it should happen every day, but it rarely does. Let the romantics have a field day with it.
Give it a rest Valentine's Day haters. Everyone has an opinion, but for those who love Valentine's Day, don't spoil it for them. Let them enjoy being special to someone, and being special for someone. Play along. It really won't hurt a bit if you do. You just might make someone's day -- and who couldn't use some extra attention?
Saturday, February 6, 2010
There's No Place Like Goal
Today at Weight Watchers I heard a talk about our struggle to lose weight by a comparison with the Wizard of Oz. Now, I like the Wizard of Oz very much, so this one made an impression on me. As anyone knows, sometimes on the way to losing weight, you get tired of dieting. I know, I know, Weight Watchers is a "lifestyle change, not a diet." I am experiencing what I like to call my wavering of motivation. I am sick of it. I don't intend to not do it, I just want everyone to know that I am sick of it.
Whatever. Anyway, here is what I got out of today's meeting.
Okay, I was sucked up into the cyclone of overeating and being fat. I dreamed of a place where there weren't any restrictions on what I could eat. A magical place where no matter what I ate, I would not gain weight. A place of color and happiness. So, somehow, I knocked myself out and dreamed this:
I woke up in a place where when you kill someone (accidentally, of course), they give you candy. I like candy. A good start. Those small folks told me of a wizard that could help me get me back home where I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain a pound. I was relieved and anxious to get there. I figured that this place was magical, so it would be a cinch. Not so. They told me I had to go on a journey down the yellow brick road to find this wizard. Now, I was thinking how easy this was going to be, but alas, it was not so. I needed to walk down this road (and get some exercise and earn activity points) to get to the wizard. Okay. So, off I went.
I met this really skinny guy along the way (he had no brain). He wanted to go with me to the wizard to get him a brain. I figured, why not? He was pretty bossy and opinionated for someone without a brain, but off we went. Along the way, we met a tin guy who lamented that he had no heart. So, we invited him along to join us. First, we had to lube him up because he had been standing still so long, his joints were bothering him (that is what he gets for not moving enough). Off we went. Further along, we met the lion. He wanted courage. We invited him along. We had trees throwing apples (between one and three points each) at us. We didn't drink enough water, but no one noticed. The witch (I will call her "hunger") kept bothering us along the way, but we defeated hunger in the end.
To make a long story short, we ended up finding out that the wizard was all smoke and mirrors, and, thus, was a fraud. There is no easy fix. We have all the tools we need inside ourselves to get through this journey of weight loss. We don't need a good witch to point it out to us. We all wear the ruby slippers.
We have the courage to get to Weight Watchers and start the process.
We have the heart to want to be healthier and happier.
We have the brains to make the right choices.
We need to click our ruby slippers together and keep saying to ourselves "There's No Place Like Goal."
No one is going to care how long it takes me to accomplish my goal. No one is going to say, "Remember those weeks when you didn't lose any at all, or those weeks when you only lost .4 lbs.?" The goal is the goal. The rest is the process.
I need to forgive myself when I falter. I need to forgive myself when I fall off the program. Every single time I choose peas over candy, it is a triumph. I need to focus on the triumphs -- not the negative things that happen. I need to remember the goal is what I am aiming for. Even if one only does the program 80% of the time, it is better than not doing it at all. I am striving.
We have it all in our power. Now, to just do it.
Whatever. Anyway, here is what I got out of today's meeting.
Okay, I was sucked up into the cyclone of overeating and being fat. I dreamed of a place where there weren't any restrictions on what I could eat. A magical place where no matter what I ate, I would not gain weight. A place of color and happiness. So, somehow, I knocked myself out and dreamed this:
I woke up in a place where when you kill someone (accidentally, of course), they give you candy. I like candy. A good start. Those small folks told me of a wizard that could help me get me back home where I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain a pound. I was relieved and anxious to get there. I figured that this place was magical, so it would be a cinch. Not so. They told me I had to go on a journey down the yellow brick road to find this wizard. Now, I was thinking how easy this was going to be, but alas, it was not so. I needed to walk down this road (and get some exercise and earn activity points) to get to the wizard. Okay. So, off I went.
I met this really skinny guy along the way (he had no brain). He wanted to go with me to the wizard to get him a brain. I figured, why not? He was pretty bossy and opinionated for someone without a brain, but off we went. Along the way, we met a tin guy who lamented that he had no heart. So, we invited him along to join us. First, we had to lube him up because he had been standing still so long, his joints were bothering him (that is what he gets for not moving enough). Off we went. Further along, we met the lion. He wanted courage. We invited him along. We had trees throwing apples (between one and three points each) at us. We didn't drink enough water, but no one noticed. The witch (I will call her "hunger") kept bothering us along the way, but we defeated hunger in the end.
To make a long story short, we ended up finding out that the wizard was all smoke and mirrors, and, thus, was a fraud. There is no easy fix. We have all the tools we need inside ourselves to get through this journey of weight loss. We don't need a good witch to point it out to us. We all wear the ruby slippers.
We have the courage to get to Weight Watchers and start the process.
We have the heart to want to be healthier and happier.
We have the brains to make the right choices.
We need to click our ruby slippers together and keep saying to ourselves "There's No Place Like Goal."
No one is going to care how long it takes me to accomplish my goal. No one is going to say, "Remember those weeks when you didn't lose any at all, or those weeks when you only lost .4 lbs.?" The goal is the goal. The rest is the process.
I need to forgive myself when I falter. I need to forgive myself when I fall off the program. Every single time I choose peas over candy, it is a triumph. I need to focus on the triumphs -- not the negative things that happen. I need to remember the goal is what I am aiming for. Even if one only does the program 80% of the time, it is better than not doing it at all. I am striving.
We have it all in our power. Now, to just do it.
Friday, January 15, 2010
No Idea
I had no idea that I haven't posted since September until my sister mentioned it last night. That is a long time. Much has happened since September. Some mundane, some life changing.
Let's see...
September - the grandkids went back to school. Eden had a really hard time for awhile with being scared, but she overcame it and goes to school with a happy heart most days. She conquered her fears. Lila loves her preschool and Addy Lin does, too. The big kids don't say much about school. They are pros by now. Julia is starting her junior year. She will graduate next year. Yikes. Aubrey is taking "Shop" in high school. Chase rarely mentions school. I guess he is doing fine or I would have heard about it.
October - Halloween party at Bethany's home. Great times...great friends...great chili.
November - Thanksgiving. Good family time for everyone.
December - Life changing. Third anniversary of my mother's death. My little zombie dogs both passed away. Maddie Biscuit (the blind one) died on Dec. 11th, and Sophie Elizabeth (the deaf, smelly, and crazy one) died on Dec. 30th. Sophie just didn't want to live without Maddie. She starved herself to death, and we had tried every trick we knew to get her to eat, but she would not. She distanced herself from us even. She wouldn't even come into the house. It was the saddest thing I have ever witnessed. It is so strange without them. As much as I complained about them, I miss them every single day. They had 14 good years, and now they are playing with Jesus. My sister said that if Maddie had drowned all those months ago, it would have been horrible, but when I saved her life, she got a few extra months of love and care, and then she died peacefully in her sleep. A nice way to go.
Well, now you are caught up. I will try to do better this year. Not such long lapses.
Let's see...
September - the grandkids went back to school. Eden had a really hard time for awhile with being scared, but she overcame it and goes to school with a happy heart most days. She conquered her fears. Lila loves her preschool and Addy Lin does, too. The big kids don't say much about school. They are pros by now. Julia is starting her junior year. She will graduate next year. Yikes. Aubrey is taking "Shop" in high school. Chase rarely mentions school. I guess he is doing fine or I would have heard about it.
October - Halloween party at Bethany's home. Great times...great friends...great chili.
November - Thanksgiving. Good family time for everyone.
December - Life changing. Third anniversary of my mother's death. My little zombie dogs both passed away. Maddie Biscuit (the blind one) died on Dec. 11th, and Sophie Elizabeth (the deaf, smelly, and crazy one) died on Dec. 30th. Sophie just didn't want to live without Maddie. She starved herself to death, and we had tried every trick we knew to get her to eat, but she would not. She distanced herself from us even. She wouldn't even come into the house. It was the saddest thing I have ever witnessed. It is so strange without them. As much as I complained about them, I miss them every single day. They had 14 good years, and now they are playing with Jesus. My sister said that if Maddie had drowned all those months ago, it would have been horrible, but when I saved her life, she got a few extra months of love and care, and then she died peacefully in her sleep. A nice way to go.
Well, now you are caught up. I will try to do better this year. Not such long lapses.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Just thinking...
I am just thinking today. I have an idea what I am going to write about. Random thoughts. Thinking out loud. Typing what I am thinking, etc.
Blogs are like little snippets of ourselves. If you are blogging what you are thinking, you are letting people in on your innermost thoughts. I am letting you in on mine.
I want to be a better Christian. I want to be a better person. I want to be a better wife. I want to be a better mother. I want to be a better grandmother. I want to be a better friend. That said, how do I go about doing this? I have failed miserably in all of these categories at one time or another. I am human. I blame no one but myself.
I am harboring unforgiveness in my soul. Is this what is causing me to stumble in my life? Probably.
How do you forgive someone who never asked for forgiveness? Someone who says that they are perfectly justified in hurting you so badly...that you can barely breathe when you think about it? Others have forgiven this person, why can't I? Do I have some kind of flaw that opens myself up for that kind of hurt? If I distance myself from that person, is that the way to handle the hurt? I am struggling with this.
Forgiveness is forgiveness. I understand that intellectually. God forgives me for all the horrible sins in my life. How come I can't forgive in return? God has been bringing to mind this issue a lot the last couple of months. I have no answer for Him. I know in my soul that I am in direct disobedience to Him. I hate it that I am not behaving in the manner that He expects me to. I know that it is wrong--I know that I am wrong. How come I can't let it go? I keep praying for Him to give me some kind of peace about this issue. Some kind of sign that it is okay to let it go. I keep getting the wrong answers, or I am not listening to His guidance in the right way. I have no idea what to do. I have prayed for God to give me the grace to be able to forgive as He has forgiven me. How come I can't do it? Why is this so hard?
It was just words, but words that hurt me to my soul. How do I get out of this abyss that I call unforgiveness?
Blogs are like little snippets of ourselves. If you are blogging what you are thinking, you are letting people in on your innermost thoughts. I am letting you in on mine.
I want to be a better Christian. I want to be a better person. I want to be a better wife. I want to be a better mother. I want to be a better grandmother. I want to be a better friend. That said, how do I go about doing this? I have failed miserably in all of these categories at one time or another. I am human. I blame no one but myself.
I am harboring unforgiveness in my soul. Is this what is causing me to stumble in my life? Probably.
How do you forgive someone who never asked for forgiveness? Someone who says that they are perfectly justified in hurting you so badly...that you can barely breathe when you think about it? Others have forgiven this person, why can't I? Do I have some kind of flaw that opens myself up for that kind of hurt? If I distance myself from that person, is that the way to handle the hurt? I am struggling with this.
Forgiveness is forgiveness. I understand that intellectually. God forgives me for all the horrible sins in my life. How come I can't forgive in return? God has been bringing to mind this issue a lot the last couple of months. I have no answer for Him. I know in my soul that I am in direct disobedience to Him. I hate it that I am not behaving in the manner that He expects me to. I know that it is wrong--I know that I am wrong. How come I can't let it go? I keep praying for Him to give me some kind of peace about this issue. Some kind of sign that it is okay to let it go. I keep getting the wrong answers, or I am not listening to His guidance in the right way. I have no idea what to do. I have prayed for God to give me the grace to be able to forgive as He has forgiven me. How come I can't do it? Why is this so hard?
It was just words, but words that hurt me to my soul. How do I get out of this abyss that I call unforgiveness?
Friday, August 21, 2009
A Change for the Better
Well, my oldest daughter got engaged this weekend. Congratulations to them both. He is getting a wonderful loving person to spend the rest of his life with, and I am so happy for her. She has chosen for her mate a man of God who is completely perfect for her. He protects her, he loves her, he loves her kids, he is gentle, he is kind, and he is respectful of her feelings. She has been through so much, and I am so glad she is happy again. What I like best is the way she is when she is with him. She is more like her old self. She is happy and not oppressed anymore. Thank you, John, for giving my daughter back her smile. It has been a long time since I have seen her this content. You have won the heart of a very wonderful woman. I trust him with my child. Thank you, Lord, for bringing them together.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Here I come to save the day...
My husband had been out of town since Sunday afternoon, so he wasn't around for all this drama.
I have had a harrowing few days with my little blind dog, Maddie. Monday night, she wasn't at home when I got there from work. Not terribly disturbing because, sometimes, she does wander a bit, but when she wasn't home by 8:00 p.m., I was a little concerned. I was beginning to worry.
I heard a loud knock on my door. There stood my neighbor with a lady, a little girl holding my dog, and a little boy. The lady said that her husband had just rescued our dog from the creek. She said they had seen something odd swimming around in circles in the creek and upon investigation, they discovered it to be a dog. OUR DOG. She said that her husband jumped into the creek and rescued the dog. Honestly, I do not know how they found me, but I know it had to do with my neighbor, because he was with them delivering Maddie to me. Maddie isn't wearing a collar. She rarely leaves the yard, we live on a private lane, etc. I know, I know, no excuse. Anyway, I was so relieved to see my dog, and was so overwhelmed that she was safe, that I didn't catch the lady's name. I feel bad about that, because I would like to write her a note. I did thank them profusely for saving her, though. All is well that ends well. Or so it would seem.
Anyway, to get along in this story. Early Wednesday morning, I let my pitiful blind dog outside to go potty before it got light. I now know that I should have stayed with her, but I was sleepy and didn't want to. Alas, I did not stay outside. I got up at 6:30 and called and called her. She did not come around. I got ready for work and decided to look for her by walking around the front of my house, down the lane a little, and circling through the neighbor's yard. I was at the end of their point when something told me to check the creek. You guessed it. There was Maddie, swimming around in circles in the creek. Well, I ran to my pier, shucked off my shoes, and proceeded to wade into the creek. She never even turned her head toward me when I was shrieking her name -- trying to get her to swim to me.
I am in my socks, but still -- Ewwww, gross. A crab crossed over my foot. I hate the creek. I hate mucky water. I hate not being able to see what I am walking through or on. I have no idea how deep the water is that she is in. I do not know how to swim. What in the world am I doing out here in this creek?
What I did know was that my little pitiful dog was swimming around in circles, probably scared to death. Oh, me, I could not let that dog drown. I proceeded to wade out -- getting stuck in the mud over and over, until I decided to try to go it on my knees so that I couldn't get stuck so much. I got to Maddie, and the water was over my shoulders up to my chin at that point. I even had on my glasses, so I surely didn't want to go in over my head. Anyway, I got to Maddie, cuddled her up, and then tried to carry her to the shore. It didn't work out so good. I kept losing my balance from trying to carry her and keep myself from going under at the same time. So, I did what I had to do. I kept shoving Maddie in the water ahead of me, trying not to push her underwater as I did. I got her to the shoreline, and when I picked her up, her little heart was racing. So was mine. Crisis averted.
I was a sight. I was covered in mud, my work clothes sopping wet, I was a mess. I was completely gross. I didn't want a wet dog in the house, so I put Maddie back in her dog pen and went back into the house -- peeled off those nasty clothes and re-showered and re-dressed for my workday.
Whew. I can tell you, it was pretty harrowing for me. I cried after it was all over, mainly because the shock of what happened had worn off. I guess we all have strengths we don't know we have until we need them.
I would never intentionally or voluntarily go into that creek, much less fully dressed. My husband says I showed courage that morning. I don't know about that. All I know is that I didn't want my dog to drown. If that is courage, then so be it. I did what I had to do.
In retrospect, there are many things I could have done differently. I could have gotten a life jacket from the boat and put it on myself. I could have used a net on a pole to try to shove her to the shoreline. I don't think that would have worked, though, because she was too far away from the pier for me to reach her. I could have gone for help from the neighbors, but honestly, who knows how long that poor dog had been treading water. I surely didn't. I like to think that she had just fallen in and I rescued her before she got too tired. I will never know, because Maddie isn't saying. I could have done many things, but I did what I did because, at the time, it was the only thing that made sense to me. So, that was my Wednesday morning.
Thank you, God, for not letting nasty things touch my body while I was in that water, and thank you for giving me the courage to rescue that dog. Thanks for letting me be able to save that dog and not drown myself in the process. I am grateful for Your many blessings. Amen.
P.S. I am going to be sure to watch Maddie very closely from now on so that I don't have to do that again.
I have had a harrowing few days with my little blind dog, Maddie. Monday night, she wasn't at home when I got there from work. Not terribly disturbing because, sometimes, she does wander a bit, but when she wasn't home by 8:00 p.m., I was a little concerned. I was beginning to worry.
I heard a loud knock on my door. There stood my neighbor with a lady, a little girl holding my dog, and a little boy. The lady said that her husband had just rescued our dog from the creek. She said they had seen something odd swimming around in circles in the creek and upon investigation, they discovered it to be a dog. OUR DOG. She said that her husband jumped into the creek and rescued the dog. Honestly, I do not know how they found me, but I know it had to do with my neighbor, because he was with them delivering Maddie to me. Maddie isn't wearing a collar. She rarely leaves the yard, we live on a private lane, etc. I know, I know, no excuse. Anyway, I was so relieved to see my dog, and was so overwhelmed that she was safe, that I didn't catch the lady's name. I feel bad about that, because I would like to write her a note. I did thank them profusely for saving her, though. All is well that ends well. Or so it would seem.
Anyway, to get along in this story. Early Wednesday morning, I let my pitiful blind dog outside to go potty before it got light. I now know that I should have stayed with her, but I was sleepy and didn't want to. Alas, I did not stay outside. I got up at 6:30 and called and called her. She did not come around. I got ready for work and decided to look for her by walking around the front of my house, down the lane a little, and circling through the neighbor's yard. I was at the end of their point when something told me to check the creek. You guessed it. There was Maddie, swimming around in circles in the creek. Well, I ran to my pier, shucked off my shoes, and proceeded to wade into the creek. She never even turned her head toward me when I was shrieking her name -- trying to get her to swim to me.
I am in my socks, but still -- Ewwww, gross. A crab crossed over my foot. I hate the creek. I hate mucky water. I hate not being able to see what I am walking through or on. I have no idea how deep the water is that she is in. I do not know how to swim. What in the world am I doing out here in this creek?
What I did know was that my little pitiful dog was swimming around in circles, probably scared to death. Oh, me, I could not let that dog drown. I proceeded to wade out -- getting stuck in the mud over and over, until I decided to try to go it on my knees so that I couldn't get stuck so much. I got to Maddie, and the water was over my shoulders up to my chin at that point. I even had on my glasses, so I surely didn't want to go in over my head. Anyway, I got to Maddie, cuddled her up, and then tried to carry her to the shore. It didn't work out so good. I kept losing my balance from trying to carry her and keep myself from going under at the same time. So, I did what I had to do. I kept shoving Maddie in the water ahead of me, trying not to push her underwater as I did. I got her to the shoreline, and when I picked her up, her little heart was racing. So was mine. Crisis averted.
I was a sight. I was covered in mud, my work clothes sopping wet, I was a mess. I was completely gross. I didn't want a wet dog in the house, so I put Maddie back in her dog pen and went back into the house -- peeled off those nasty clothes and re-showered and re-dressed for my workday.
Whew. I can tell you, it was pretty harrowing for me. I cried after it was all over, mainly because the shock of what happened had worn off. I guess we all have strengths we don't know we have until we need them.
I would never intentionally or voluntarily go into that creek, much less fully dressed. My husband says I showed courage that morning. I don't know about that. All I know is that I didn't want my dog to drown. If that is courage, then so be it. I did what I had to do.
In retrospect, there are many things I could have done differently. I could have gotten a life jacket from the boat and put it on myself. I could have used a net on a pole to try to shove her to the shoreline. I don't think that would have worked, though, because she was too far away from the pier for me to reach her. I could have gone for help from the neighbors, but honestly, who knows how long that poor dog had been treading water. I surely didn't. I like to think that she had just fallen in and I rescued her before she got too tired. I will never know, because Maddie isn't saying. I could have done many things, but I did what I did because, at the time, it was the only thing that made sense to me. So, that was my Wednesday morning.
Thank you, God, for not letting nasty things touch my body while I was in that water, and thank you for giving me the courage to rescue that dog. Thanks for letting me be able to save that dog and not drown myself in the process. I am grateful for Your many blessings. Amen.
P.S. I am going to be sure to watch Maddie very closely from now on so that I don't have to do that again.
Monday, July 27, 2009
To God Be The Glory
Okay, I admit it. My husband is out of town. No one is coming over. I am going to be alone tonight. I stopped at Farm Fresh to pick up bread and milk and a chick flick. OK, I was also going to pick up some potato chips and dip. I had my mind made up. I was going to treat myself--I deserve this. No one will ever know. I admit it, I am weak. I am struggling this week.
NO, I DID NOT DO IT. Praise be to God.
The reason for this post is to give God the glory for helping me resist a very very very strong temptation. I had the dip in my basket and was headed towards the chips. I put the dip back and went in the opposite direction. Not by my power, but by the power within me.
Would you like to know what I did buy? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. I bought Lean Pockets (6 points per serving), cucumbers, a bag of salad, 1% milk, diet bread, and diet sandwich thins. So there, God helped me save me from myself. Thank you, Lord, you have always had my back.
NO, I DID NOT DO IT. Praise be to God.
The reason for this post is to give God the glory for helping me resist a very very very strong temptation. I had the dip in my basket and was headed towards the chips. I put the dip back and went in the opposite direction. Not by my power, but by the power within me.
Would you like to know what I did buy? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. I bought Lean Pockets (6 points per serving), cucumbers, a bag of salad, 1% milk, diet bread, and diet sandwich thins. So there, God helped me save me from myself. Thank you, Lord, you have always had my back.
Struggling
I got to the 41 pound weight loss this week. Hooray. Not a huge loss for this week, but still a loss. That is all good.
This week, so far though, I am struggling. Now, the battle for my body is starting up again. I am having cravings, want to eat junk food, missing things that I can't eat on this diet, etc. It has been a hard week, so far. I haven't succumbed to many temptations, and I still have 24 weekly points (you get 35) that I can use. I just don't like to dip into them. It is like a savings account. Once you start taking it out, you end up spending it all. I am going to need a strong helper this week. God is able. He is willing. He is there for me. I know all that. I am so grateful for all of that. I am trying to rely on Him alone. I have to admit, though, I am struggling for control this week. I have no idea why. I am my own worst enemy.
It is the typical thing with the angel on one shoulder and the evil one on the other shoulder. The angel says things to me like, "You are doing so great, don't give up now. Your momentum is going strong. You are averaging 2 pounds a week weight loss, you want to keep that up. God is with you through this." The evil shoulder thing says things like this to me, "Go ahead, you deserve to treat yourself. After all, you have been doing this for 20 weeks -- you need a break. A little mayonnaise couldn't possibly sabotage you. Go ahead, reward yourself -- indulge. It can't hurt. It is the beginning of the week, it won't show up on the scale next Saturday." Aargh!
Our sermon this week at church was "Break Free." I am trying to break free from my addiction to food. I am sure that God planned this series just for me. It is something that I need to hear. I am only human, and I am fragile. My won't power is not as strong this week as it has been.
I admit, I am weak. It is what has landed me here in the first place. If I could control myself, I wouldn't be in this situation at all. God is ever faithful, and I am so glad about that. I just feel like this week that I could possibly fail again. I don't want to. I don't want to disappoint God or myself. I am going to have to pray every single meal, every single snack, every single morsel. Maybe that is what God wants me to do anyway. I'll let you guys know how I get through this week. See ya.
This week, so far though, I am struggling. Now, the battle for my body is starting up again. I am having cravings, want to eat junk food, missing things that I can't eat on this diet, etc. It has been a hard week, so far. I haven't succumbed to many temptations, and I still have 24 weekly points (you get 35) that I can use. I just don't like to dip into them. It is like a savings account. Once you start taking it out, you end up spending it all. I am going to need a strong helper this week. God is able. He is willing. He is there for me. I know all that. I am so grateful for all of that. I am trying to rely on Him alone. I have to admit, though, I am struggling for control this week. I have no idea why. I am my own worst enemy.
It is the typical thing with the angel on one shoulder and the evil one on the other shoulder. The angel says things to me like, "You are doing so great, don't give up now. Your momentum is going strong. You are averaging 2 pounds a week weight loss, you want to keep that up. God is with you through this." The evil shoulder thing says things like this to me, "Go ahead, you deserve to treat yourself. After all, you have been doing this for 20 weeks -- you need a break. A little mayonnaise couldn't possibly sabotage you. Go ahead, reward yourself -- indulge. It can't hurt. It is the beginning of the week, it won't show up on the scale next Saturday." Aargh!
Our sermon this week at church was "Break Free." I am trying to break free from my addiction to food. I am sure that God planned this series just for me. It is something that I need to hear. I am only human, and I am fragile. My won't power is not as strong this week as it has been.
I admit, I am weak. It is what has landed me here in the first place. If I could control myself, I wouldn't be in this situation at all. God is ever faithful, and I am so glad about that. I just feel like this week that I could possibly fail again. I don't want to. I don't want to disappoint God or myself. I am going to have to pray every single meal, every single snack, every single morsel. Maybe that is what God wants me to do anyway. I'll let you guys know how I get through this week. See ya.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Another Weigh In Success
Well, last Saturday when I weighed in at Weight Watchers, I had lost another 2.8 pounds. For those of you counting, that is 40.6 pounds lost. I am seeing differences in my clothes, they are getting looser. They are still a big stretched out size, so I am not patting myself on the back too much--that can lead to rewards that I cannot have just now. When I meet a milestone, I reward myself with non-food things. A manicure, a new blouse, or some music from iTunes. Food awards I do not bestow.
Unfortunately though, pictures continue to frustrate me. Obviously, I have a better body image than the pictures show. Unfortunate for me, because I am stunned when I see pictures of me now. That woman in that picture is still enormous. Where exactly did I have those 40 pounds? My thighs for one. Enough said. But, they look much better now.
Anyway, my point of all this is not to beat myself up or denigrate my weight loss. It is to make myself aware that this is just the first third of this journey of weight loss. I have at least 85 more pounds to go. At least it isn't 125 anymore. Praise you, Lord for being with me throughout this process.
Unfortunately though, pictures continue to frustrate me. Obviously, I have a better body image than the pictures show. Unfortunate for me, because I am stunned when I see pictures of me now. That woman in that picture is still enormous. Where exactly did I have those 40 pounds? My thighs for one. Enough said. But, they look much better now.
Anyway, my point of all this is not to beat myself up or denigrate my weight loss. It is to make myself aware that this is just the first third of this journey of weight loss. I have at least 85 more pounds to go. At least it isn't 125 anymore. Praise you, Lord for being with me throughout this process.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Weigh-in
I lost 1.2 pounds this week. Not a great thing, because I hadn't weighed in two weeks, and I wasn't all that impressed with myself. It isn't a bad thing, however, because any weight loss is great. I am trying not to focus on the scale. It is a measurement, not a judgement. I weighed in on a scale that is notorious for not being right. We, at Weight Watchers, do not know for sure, but that scale closest to the door doesn't seem as good as the others--it seems to weigh heavier than the other two. I will avoid that scale next Saturday and hope for a better result from a different scale. From my mouth to God's ear. That is the plan. I know if I am following the plan, results will come.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Haven't been here in awhile...
Okay, I missed last week's weigh-in, so, this week when I went to weigh in, I had lost 5.2 pounds. A total of 35.6 pounds lost. I am happy. I am healthier. I am more able to do the things that I want to do. I feel better. I look better. I am finding stuff in my closet to wear that looks brand new because I got too fat to wear the clothes. So, I have a somewhat new bunch of clothes. Thank you, God for being so faithful and for helping me out with this so much.
Guess what? The other night we were out to dinner for our 40th Wedding Anniversary, and my husband offered to share some cole slaw with me and I said, "No, thanks, it has mayonnaise in it." Wow, those words rarely come out of this mouth. I love mayonnaise. I could eat it with a spoon. Also, he offered me a bite of his flounder, and I said this, "Are you kidding me? That is fried. I haven't had anything fried for over 4 months, I am surely not going to put it in my mouth today."
Just so you know, if I was going to eat something fried, it would be a potato, or an onion ring, certainly not fish. I am not done craving things, I just don't give in. Thank you, God, for the power to say, "No, thank you."
Something that I discovered since going on this weight loss journey. Your stomach doesn't really know what it is you ate--your mind is the only one that knows. When the stomach is full, it is full. It can be full of stuff that is good for you, or stuff that is not. That is the choice that I have to make every single meal, every single day.
And, before you think that I am being sanctimonious or smug or that I am patting myself on the back too much, let me say this, IT IS A STRUGGLE EVERY SINGLE DAY TO DENY MYSELF. I still want things that aren't on the diet plan, I still desire to eat stuff that I shouldn't. I still am fighting every single meal not to give in to temptation. I am not cured of the obesity bug, Me and God are just fighting it into remission. Go Us!
Guess what? The other night we were out to dinner for our 40th Wedding Anniversary, and my husband offered to share some cole slaw with me and I said, "No, thanks, it has mayonnaise in it." Wow, those words rarely come out of this mouth. I love mayonnaise. I could eat it with a spoon. Also, he offered me a bite of his flounder, and I said this, "Are you kidding me? That is fried. I haven't had anything fried for over 4 months, I am surely not going to put it in my mouth today."
Just so you know, if I was going to eat something fried, it would be a potato, or an onion ring, certainly not fish. I am not done craving things, I just don't give in. Thank you, God, for the power to say, "No, thank you."
Something that I discovered since going on this weight loss journey. Your stomach doesn't really know what it is you ate--your mind is the only one that knows. When the stomach is full, it is full. It can be full of stuff that is good for you, or stuff that is not. That is the choice that I have to make every single meal, every single day.
And, before you think that I am being sanctimonious or smug or that I am patting myself on the back too much, let me say this, IT IS A STRUGGLE EVERY SINGLE DAY TO DENY MYSELF. I still want things that aren't on the diet plan, I still desire to eat stuff that I shouldn't. I still am fighting every single meal not to give in to temptation. I am not cured of the obesity bug, Me and God are just fighting it into remission. Go Us!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Explanation
Okay. Here is a explanation about last week's cryptic post. I had a miserable weigh-in last week. The weigher said that I had gained 1.6 pounds. I was livid. I said to her. "How is that even possible?" She said, "Let me look at your tracker." I showed it to her and she proceeded to tell me all the things that I was doing wrong. I was doing this wrong, I was doing that wrong. I was wrong. Period. One of the highlights is that she said I wasn't eating my two teaspoons of oil every day. Seriously? Not eating two teaspoons of oil would cause me to gain weight. Are you kidding me?
Suffice to say, I was so pissed off I couldn't see straight. I cried on the way home. I don't cry about stuff like this. I was so mad. I couldn't talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it. Yet, I felt compelled to talk about it. I wanted to hide in a hole and not come out. I felt like I had failed. Again.
Honestly, I can truthfully say that for the 12 weeks that I have been on Weight Watchers, I have not cheated one single day. Did I want to cheat? Certainly. Did I want to eat everything in sight? Some days, I did. I have been hungry some days all day, but I don't want to be fat anymore.
You see, this isn't a walk that I walk alone. God is in this with me. I made a deal with God. He provides the strength, I provide the willingness to do what is right regarding my weight. Sounds simple enough. I ask for strength to resist temptation. He delivers strength. I ask for "won't power." He delivers it. I have plenty of "will power." I need to have won't power so that I won't eat like a person who doesn't need to watch her weight.
This week's weigh-in was very good. I lost 6.2 pounds for a toal of 29.6 pounds lost in 12 weeks. See, I told you I didn't deserve that weight gain.
The thing about me is this, though. The following week could have gone either way. Either I would be totally discouraged and give up and eat everything in sight, or I would be determined to show that lady that I so was NOT doing it wrong. I chose the latter. I re-read my materials, I revisited my journal of food consumption. I tightened my symbollic belt, and I did what I was supposed to do. I did not give up on myself.
You see, I don't want to disappoint God. I can disapoint myself. I can disappoint other people. I don't want to disappoint God again. He is my strength. My flesh is not loving this diet. My flesh wants mayonnaise and cheeseburgers and chips. My resolve refuses to give in. This isn't a strength that I have in myself. It is a strength I find through God. He is providing me with the resolve that I have. It is not me alone. I want to make that abundantly clear. I am not doing this by my own power.
See, I want to beat this sin of gluttony. I can only do that by trusting in the God that provides me with everything that I need. Not everything I want. My Weight Watchers leaders says this: "If you do what you have always done, you will get what you always got." I cannot eat whatever I like. I need to eat to live, not live to eat.
Thanks, God. Truly, I can't do this without You.
Suffice to say, I was so pissed off I couldn't see straight. I cried on the way home. I don't cry about stuff like this. I was so mad. I couldn't talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it. Yet, I felt compelled to talk about it. I wanted to hide in a hole and not come out. I felt like I had failed. Again.
Honestly, I can truthfully say that for the 12 weeks that I have been on Weight Watchers, I have not cheated one single day. Did I want to cheat? Certainly. Did I want to eat everything in sight? Some days, I did. I have been hungry some days all day, but I don't want to be fat anymore.
You see, this isn't a walk that I walk alone. God is in this with me. I made a deal with God. He provides the strength, I provide the willingness to do what is right regarding my weight. Sounds simple enough. I ask for strength to resist temptation. He delivers strength. I ask for "won't power." He delivers it. I have plenty of "will power." I need to have won't power so that I won't eat like a person who doesn't need to watch her weight.
This week's weigh-in was very good. I lost 6.2 pounds for a toal of 29.6 pounds lost in 12 weeks. See, I told you I didn't deserve that weight gain.
The thing about me is this, though. The following week could have gone either way. Either I would be totally discouraged and give up and eat everything in sight, or I would be determined to show that lady that I so was NOT doing it wrong. I chose the latter. I re-read my materials, I revisited my journal of food consumption. I tightened my symbollic belt, and I did what I was supposed to do. I did not give up on myself.
You see, I don't want to disappoint God. I can disapoint myself. I can disappoint other people. I don't want to disappoint God again. He is my strength. My flesh is not loving this diet. My flesh wants mayonnaise and cheeseburgers and chips. My resolve refuses to give in. This isn't a strength that I have in myself. It is a strength I find through God. He is providing me with the resolve that I have. It is not me alone. I want to make that abundantly clear. I am not doing this by my own power.
See, I want to beat this sin of gluttony. I can only do that by trusting in the God that provides me with everything that I need. Not everything I want. My Weight Watchers leaders says this: "If you do what you have always done, you will get what you always got." I cannot eat whatever I like. I need to eat to live, not live to eat.
Thanks, God. Truly, I can't do this without You.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Disappointed
Okay, this week's weigh in was not good. I am bitterly disappointed. That is all I have to say about it.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Not so much
Okay, so I didn't enjoy weighing in this week. That is an understatement of how I was feeling. I only lost .8 of a pound. I told the weighing lady, "You have got to be kidding me." Alas, she was not. She went right into her speech -- "Now, you have to remember, you have lost a lot of weight, and many people in this room would trade you for your week's weight loss. You have to understand, you have to let your body catch up with it's weight loss." Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Sorry, but that doesn't cut it for me. My head was going to explode.
I did have steak the night before, and I will not do that again, and my diet buddies say that it could be a multitude of reasons for not losing my usual amount of weight. They are my friends. God love them for their encouragement.
I have lost a total of 25 pounds. That is nothing to be ashamed of, and I am proud of that accomplishment. I am not giving up. I am not discouraged. I am just not so much pleased with this week's paltry weight loss. I am not cheating. I am writing down what I eat. I am following the program. I am not happy with this week. I repeat, I am not happy with this week. Next week will be much better on the scale. My diet buddy promised me.
So, I got into a pair of jeans that I haven't worn in about a year. Yea! They are not "skinny" jeans by any stretch of the imagination, but that is still an accomplishment of sorts. They are still too tight, but they were worn anyway.
I must not use negative words to describe myself and my actions. I must think and act positively in order to maintain the correct mindset. God doesn't want me to talk bad about myself or others.
Anyway, I am still a loser, so I just needed to rant a little.
Thank you, God, for that .8 lb. weight loss. I couldn't have done it without You. Now, about next week...
I did have steak the night before, and I will not do that again, and my diet buddies say that it could be a multitude of reasons for not losing my usual amount of weight. They are my friends. God love them for their encouragement.
I have lost a total of 25 pounds. That is nothing to be ashamed of, and I am proud of that accomplishment. I am not giving up. I am not discouraged. I am just not so much pleased with this week's paltry weight loss. I am not cheating. I am writing down what I eat. I am following the program. I am not happy with this week. I repeat, I am not happy with this week. Next week will be much better on the scale. My diet buddy promised me.
So, I got into a pair of jeans that I haven't worn in about a year. Yea! They are not "skinny" jeans by any stretch of the imagination, but that is still an accomplishment of sorts. They are still too tight, but they were worn anyway.
I must not use negative words to describe myself and my actions. I must think and act positively in order to maintain the correct mindset. God doesn't want me to talk bad about myself or others.
Anyway, I am still a loser, so I just needed to rant a little.
Thank you, God, for that .8 lb. weight loss. I couldn't have done it without You. Now, about next week...
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Better
This week's weigh-in was on Saturday, May 9th. I keep forgetting to post about it, and this week was twice as good as last week. I lost 2.8 lbs. -- a total of 24.2 pounds so far. Yay Me. I am very encouraged. I am not thinking about the total I need to lose, I am concentrating on getting through each week on program. I have been doing so well, I am afraid to celebrate my success. Usually, that means a slacking off period, or a "getting off the program" week. Thus far, that has not happened. I know me. I know me better than anyone. I cannot celebrate too much, because then I think I can get away with stuff that I know that I cannot do. God is helping me, but he doesn't slap the fork away from my mouth. Nor does He seal that chip bag so I can't get into it. What He does do is promise to be with me, and give me the strength to fight my worst enemy. Myself. Thank you, God, for being there for me. You always have been.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Still a Loser...
Well, I weighed in today at Weight Watchers. I lost 1.4 lbs. I wasn't happy with that. I wasn't disappointed, but I wasn't happy. I am still a loser, so I am continuing on the plan. I have lost 21.4 lbs. in 8 weeks, which is an average of 2.6 lbs. per week. I can live with that. I know it won't be easy, but I have to do this. I do not cheat, I do not eat what I don't write down, and I am working the plan. I am not able to do much exercising because of my knee replacements, and because I have plantar fasciitis. My feet hurt most of the time, so even walking is hard for me to do. Anyway, for someone that can't really work out much, I am doing quite well.
I give God the glory for this could not happen without His help. I am going to overcome my sin of gluttony, and come out of this thinner, and more healthy. Praise the Lord for my 1.4 lb. weight loss this week. I couldn't have done it without Him.
I give God the glory for this could not happen without His help. I am going to overcome my sin of gluttony, and come out of this thinner, and more healthy. Praise the Lord for my 1.4 lb. weight loss this week. I couldn't have done it without Him.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Update
I weighed in on Saturday. Lost another 2.8 pounds for a total of 18 pounds total lost. I am very encouraged. Thank you, Lord, for your help. I couldn't do it without You.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Easter 2009
Well, so many people are blogging about Easter, that I decided to do it, too.
As I reflect on the weekend of Easter, I find myself more and more thinking about all those people who accepted Jesus on Sunday. Yeah, the Easter Egg Drop draws them in to the church service, but Jesus draws them to Him. Those people are so lucky they chose to attend Waters Edge on Sunday. I was moved to tears by the many people who accepted Jesus in the service I attended. They no longer have to be alone in their struggles. They no longer have to worry about their place after death. They will be standing in front of their Saviour. I couldn't help but smile. I just love it when that happens.
By the way, The sermon was very powerful and the band was so good. I was so proud to be a part of that day. My part was tiny, but important, and I was glad to do it. I was impressed, as usual, by what that amazing staff of Waters Edge Church can accomplish. They are the most creative group that I have ever seen. I love my church.
As I reflect on the weekend of Easter, I find myself more and more thinking about all those people who accepted Jesus on Sunday. Yeah, the Easter Egg Drop draws them in to the church service, but Jesus draws them to Him. Those people are so lucky they chose to attend Waters Edge on Sunday. I was moved to tears by the many people who accepted Jesus in the service I attended. They no longer have to be alone in their struggles. They no longer have to worry about their place after death. They will be standing in front of their Saviour. I couldn't help but smile. I just love it when that happens.
By the way, The sermon was very powerful and the band was so good. I was so proud to be a part of that day. My part was tiny, but important, and I was glad to do it. I was impressed, as usual, by what that amazing staff of Waters Edge Church can accomplish. They are the most creative group that I have ever seen. I love my church.
Weight Success
Update on the weight loss saga. I have successfully lost 15.2 pounds thus far. Thanks be to God for giving me the strength to resist all the lovely food at Easter. I did really well staying in my points range. God is good.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Week 3
I weighed in on Saturday -- forgot to blog it. Down another 2.2 lbs. Successful week. I am doing quite well, I think. Praise the Lord.
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