Just Wondering

I have been wondering lately why some people think the way that they do.

Why is someone who has an affair with a married man surprised when he cheats on her, too? The married man left his wife and family to be with her. Did they honestly think they were the first and only person he would ever cheat with? Why would someone want someone else's leftovers? The mistress gets the man, but he is a used husband--a known cheater--a known deserter of his family and, in my opinion, a very selfish person. The house he takes her to is used by him and his previous family; or is much smaller than the one he left because he still has to provide a home for his children. The kids belong to him, not to her. So she gets a cheater, a leftover house, his kids, and she gets to be a pariah. That doesn't sound like much of a prize to me.

I just don't get it.

Remembering My Dogs

Things I might forget, so I need to write them down:

My dog, Sophie (the one with the mental issues) used to eat chicken noodle soup and slurp all the liquid out of the bowl and lick off the noodles and leave them beside the bowl. She didn't care for noodles.

Maddie (the sweetest dog) used to sit upright on her butt like a person (with her back legs stuck out in front of her).

Sophie (near the end of her life) smelled like dog butt all the time. She had the worst breath in the canine world.

Maddie couldn't roll over. She would just lie down and turn to the side a little. It was her attempt at rolling over. She wasn't feeling the whole doing tricks thing.

Sophie used to "sit up pretty" - which meant that she would jump up on the step stool I used to have an put her hands on the rail and bark for a treat. She also would put her little hands on my hand and whine when she was told to sit up pretty without the stool.

Sophie could bark "please" in a tinier bark than her normal one to differentiate between the commands. Bethany taught her that.

Neither dog would take food out of my hand without me saying, "OK."

Sophie would sometimes grin with her teeth showing. It didn't look like a grin to most folks, though.

They were very good friends.

Does Anyone Understand?

I know that people have it worse than I do on a regular basis. That their lives are horrible and mine is not. I know that people have worse news to live with than I have about my children. I know that no pregnancy is "routine." I know. I know. I know.

BUT - Both of my daughters have almost died giving birth.

BUT - Both of my daughters survived because of the grace of God. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

Jesus died for me. Jesus lives inside me. I am a wife to a really good man - my high school sweetheart. Mother of two of the most fabulous women that I know. I am grandmother to nine precious grandchildren.

I do not want to have a pity party, but this has been a hard season.

I have had a tumultuous few months.

My beloved Mother-in-Law goes home to Jesus.
My beloved Aunt Lucille goes home to Jesus.
Bethany having pre-eclampsia.
Ezra being born early.
Wayne having surgery on his knee for an infection. His knee not healing well.
Chris having a miscarriage of a twin.
Chris having a uterine hemorrhage.
Chris having placenta previa.
Chris having Vasa Previa.
Chris having her water break at 26 weeks.
Chris having Placenta Acreta.
Chris having her baby at 28 weeks.
Nora weighing only 2 lbs. 14 oz.
Chris having a scary infection and being re-hospitalized.

Please tell me how I managed to get through all this stuff and still hold down my job and not go completely crazy? I know that is God that gets me through all these tough times. He gives me strength that I know is supernatural.

I can honestly say that I am glad my girls are through with child bearing. These last couple of years have been scary ones. Miscarriages, pregnancy problems, etc. It takes a toll on the Momma. I am too old for this.

In light of the tragedy in CT, I am so very grateful that my scary stuff has had happy endings. That is all I have to say about that.

Nora is Two!

Today is Nora's birthday. I love that little girl so much. I also love her mother. We almost lost both of them the day she was born. Without God's grace, we would have. Scary times, my friend.
I reflect on her little life. At first, her momma was so sick she could barely take care of her. John helped out so much. He had a lot on his shoulders. Bethany, the Mayor of Grafton, organized her life for her. She lived and breathed her sister and this tiny girl.

We watched this tiny person grow and she has exceeded all expectations. She is feisty. She is determined. She is adventurous. She is indefatigable. She is a mess maker. She is into EVERYTHING. Nothing is sacred for this little mite. Her Pappy calls her his "little bird." So many people love her and so many of those same people prayed for her. She is a lucky little girl. I know we are blessed to have her. She is such a happy little thing. Smiling is her Olympic sport. Her little face lights up when she smiles.

Chris is feeling much better these days. Physically. I know the fact that she can't have any more children haunts her. I also know that the miscarriages have taken a toll on her. She is an amazing person, though, and I know she will just get stronger and stronger.

Nora is in a "big girl" bed now. They took down the crib. Chris said it was sad to know that they wouldn't put it up again. I understand her pain.

I am trying mightily not to dwell on the terror of Nora's birth. I am trying to focus on the good things in our lives. I am being thankful for Nora. I know that I still can't explain to people what happened to Chris and Nora without crying. Even after two years.

Who am I kidding - Eden is 11 years old, and I can't talk about her birth experience without crying. I am just so thankful that God spared my girls. Thankful isn't even an adequate word for what I feel about these blessings. I honestly don't have words for the emotions that course through my being when I think about my grandchildren and my two daughters and where they would be without the grace of God.

I don't know exactly where I am going with these random thoughts, but I don't have anything profound to say except that every single day of every single year that Nora lives and breathes, I will be thankful. I am thankful for a mighty God. I am thankful for a savior. Without whom we would not have all these blessings. My God - How Great Thou Art!

It's been a year now...

Yes. It has been a year since I almost lost two precious members of my family. My daughter, Christina Marie, and her baby girl, Nora Elizabeth Jean Carter.

My emotions are going haywire today. Every lovely post about Nora. Every poignant memory of that day a year ago. Every heartfelt sentence about either of them brings fresh tears to my eyes. Not sorrow. Joy. I am so eternally grateful that God spared these two. I cannot wait to see how Nora grows and becomes a woman of great faith and see her trust in Jesus. She is a miracle. She is a strong, independent little girl. She has no idea that she should be developmentally delayed. She is trying to learn to walk. I love her smile.

I can still, though, feel the way my heart was pounding when I heard that Chris was hemorrhaging and that Nora would be born today in spite of the fact that it was almost 3 months early. I can still feel the utter panic when getting to the hospital. I can still feel the desperation in John's voice and the way his entire being was being crushed with the enormity of the situation. I can still remember praying without ceasing. Begging God to save them. Tears overwhelm me even now. It turned out fine, but the getting there was quite a ride, let me tell you. I still have the texts from that early morning. Some of them are not there, and I don't know why, but I will never forget the one that said, "Come now. I don't think she will still be here in the morning." Something no mother needs to hear from her son-in-law. Crippling fear ensued. Many prayers issued. When I wasn't strong enough to pray, others were interceding for me. I thank them all for that.

I can go back there whenever I want to. See, God doesn't spare us from sorrow and frightening things. It is like that quote from someone that says, "God doesn't always calm the storm, sometimes he calms the person in the storm." Something like that. I don't even know. I rarely quote platitudes, but this one fits. God did calm me. God did take care of my people. Why? Why mine and not others? I have no clue. I am just very very thankful that He did.

I didn't get to go back to see my daughter when she was fighting for her life. They wouldn't let me. I had bronchitis and was coughing all over the place. Stupid body. Why did I have to get sick then? Chris' sister was the one going back and forth instead of me. I was jealous sometimes that I wasn't the one getting the firsthand information. How childish, but I was selfishly wanting to see her with my own eyes. Thank God for cell phones and texting and sending pictures. Bethany was on the other end of the scary-ness this time, and she didn't like it much. It is so hard to be strong and positive when you are scared out of your mind. I just wanted to look in my daughter's eyes and see that she was not going to die.

I could breathe again when they said that the hemorrhaging had stopped. I could be cautiously optimistic. I could hope again. I could concentrate of praying for Nora. She was defying all odds. Without Jesus, none of this would have been possible.

Trust in Jesus. There is no other way to get through this life. You'll never be sorry.

Timing

"You see, my oldest child almost lost her life giving life to this wee little baby. I am still stunned by that fact. She almost died. I owe the lives of both of my daughters to the grace of God and Sentara Norfolk General Hospital. This narrative has a happy ending, but the middle is the hard part."

 I wrote this in December of 2012. Last Sunday, Sept. 8, 2013, our Pastor preached a sermon about being stuck in the middle and having a miraculous middle experience.

That sermon is positively true. If it hadn't been for the horrible middle of the experience with our little Nora and my baby girl, we wouldn't have experienced the miraculous middle miracle that happened. Practical application of the truth that was spoken on Sunday.

While I was scared and terrified and worried and beside myself, God was working on making a miracle for our family. I still think about the description that my sister-in-law described as she was praying for my daughter and granddaughter. She said this, "I saw the entire hospital circled by hundreds of prayer warriors with their hands and their hearts lifted to God, and I knew he was going to answer our prayers."

Friends, when you are stuck in the middle of harrowing times, just trust God. Pray and believe. He knows what He is doing. No matter what happens. No matter the outcome of the trial. No matter how long it takes. No matter if your prayers are answered the way you want them or not. God knows what He is doing. God is good, and God is great. He works miracles every single day in every single person. Big miracles, little miracles, ordinary miracles, but miracles, just the same. We don't even acknowledge all the miracles of each day that He gives us. He loves me. He loves you. He just wants to be near us. He has our best interests at heart.

The Ninth

Well, my littlest granddaughter is here. And, I mean littlest.

Happiness on the one hand, and terror on the other. My beautiful little granddaughter. My daughter fighting for her life.

You see, my oldest child almost lost her life giving life to this wee little baby. I am still stunned by that fact. She almost died. I owe the lives of both of my daughters to the grace of God and Sentara Norfolk General Hospital. This narrative has a happy ending, but the middle is the hard part.

Beginning. My oldest child is pregnant again. We are cautiously optimistic. She has had several very hard pregnancies. We are fraught with anxiety. She goes for the ultrasound because she is of advanced maternal age. The ultrasound says it is twins! Wow, what a surprise. I am expecting my 9th and 10th grandchild. Oh my!

Middle. Sometime later, we get devastating news. One of the twins has stopped developing and is not going to make it. Sadness overwhelms me. I cannot explain how much this news devastated me. I could barely contain my tears for weeks. I still think of that little baby even now and how much I miss it. I know the pain this causes Chris and John.

Chris is having trouble carrying this last baby of hers. She develops a seborrheaic hemorrhage condition. Wow. Disturbing diagnosis that I have never even heard of. Apparently, other people have had these and their babies were born just fine. It is when a spot in the uterus starts bleeding. It can cause miscarriage at the worst. She spent most of the summer on bed rest. She had to stay in her room flat on her back for most of the time. Then it would let up. Then the bleeding would come again. Stop and start. Start and stop. Kind of like my heart. It is so hard to watch your child (no matter how old they are) suffering. Chris wants this last baby so badly.

The doctors let her off of bed rest because it doesn't seem to be helping with the bleeding anyway. She bleeds more. All this time, the baby inside is rocking and rolling with it. She is unfazed by all these catastrophes. She's got this.

Then she develops placenta previa. Good grief. Really? That is disturbing because it sometimes causes premature delivery. A Cesarean section was planned anyway, but now it is definitely the only way to go.

Then one day, the doctors said this. Go home, live your life as normally as you can, you are no longer in danger - your pregnancy is now routine. They didn't see any more signs of disaster. She should be routine from now on out.

Well, the very next day, Chris started having contractions and her water breaks. She is 26 weeks pregnant. She went to the hospital. They were going to keep her for about 6 weeks until the baby can be born at 32 weeks at the earliest. They wanted to keep the baby in there until 35 weeks, but realistically, they were aiming for 32. Well, she didn't quite make it that far. Nora Elizabeth Jean Carter was born at 28 weeks. She weighed 2 lbs. 14 oz. She was 15 inches long. She is perfect in every way.

Nora has amazed everyone with her progress. From the first day, she has not needed any medical intervention whatsoever. They used a cannula for the first day or two, but then they found out that Nora could tolerate room air. She is being fed through a tube in her nose because she doesn't know how to feed yet. She is our little warrior princess. She is "light years ahead" of where the NICU nurses expected her to be at her gestational age. She is our champion. We are all in love with that wee little baby.

My daughter had to have an emergency hysterectomy as well as the c-section. She is bleeding to death. She is in critical condition and has no idea that her little girl is even alive. We are called to the hospital in the very early hours of Monday morning. Praying constantly. Making nice with the visitors who come to hold vigil. If she doesn't stop bleeding, she will die. John (her husband) decides to post on Facebook that his wife is in critical condition and we need prayer immediately for Chris.

The prayer warriors begin praying and my baby girl begins getting better. They do a procedure where the insert gel into her femoral arteries to stop the bleeding. Praise the Lord, it works. Chris ended up needing 30 units of blood. She was on a ventilator. She is still alive. Thanks be to God for his grace! She asks about Nora and she wants to see pictures. She had to pass a few "tests" for them to take the ventilator tube out of her lungs. She does well. You see, I thought that if she would just wake up, she would realize that she needed to fight to stay alive for her children. That is what happened. Prayer warriors begin praying. God intervenes. He lets my child live so she can mother her own children. I will be forever grateful for this. I am humbled and thankful.

So, Chris does so well that they let her come home. She is sore and weary, but she also misses her home and her other children. We have been holding down the fort. It seems that it takes many more people than we thought to replace Chris. She is amazing.

She seems to be doing great. Then the unthinkable happens. She gets an infection. She goes back into the hospital. She is given a good prognosis. She has a Urinary Tract Infection and a hematoma where her uterus used to be. The trick is to not let the infection get to that hematoma. The hematoma is a normal "complication." So is the UTI, because of the length of time she had the catheter in. She was throwing up and had fever. I was sick with worry. Tears abound. My little girl is sick again. She can't take much more.

God prevails. The IV antibiotics and fever reducers are working. Thanks be to God! She is feeling better. They are keeping her a few days to make sure nothing else comes up. Please God, don't let anything else happen to my girl.

On a very positive note, Miss Nora is now 3 lbs. 4.6 oz. and is doing spectacularly. Now if we can only get her Momma to follow her example. I pray that this is the end of the complications and now she has to just heal and get better and better every day.

My lesson in all of this is that no matter what, we aren't guaranteed life. No one is. It is God's grace that allows us to live. So, love your people. Make sure that they know you love them. Make sure that you don't let petty things affect your relationships. There is no time for that. Forgive more easily. Don't let yourself be so easily offended. Don't let some misunderstanding or hurt feelings keep you from your people. Enjoy your family. You never know what tomorrow might bring. You never know when the last time you see them will be.

Nora Elizabeth Jean

What a difference a couple of weeks make.

The last time I was here, I was in worry mode about my newest granddaughter to be. She was in a high risk pregnancy and in danger.

All of that has changed. The power of prayer is an amazing thing. My daughter's pregnancy is not considered high risk anymore. The Vasa Previa (or whatever it was) has disappeared. While she still has placenta previa, it is much less risky by itself than the other one with it. She will still be delivered by cesearean section, but that was going to happen anyway. We will just trust the doctors and God to make sure she is delivered safely.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is this. God is Good. God is Great. I praise the Lord for all the blessings my family has received. Nora is a much anticipated, much prayed for, much loved little girl already, and I haven't even met her. I am now at liberty to be happy and excited about her birth. I can now shop without worries about her safety and imminent danger. So I can relax. Her granddaddy can relax. Her Mom and Dad can relax. Her Aunties can relax. Shew. Glad she is so healthy and progressing normally now.

I love all of my grandchildren. I wouldn't know what to do without them. They are such a blessing to me, and I appreciate them so much.

Thanks for looking out for Nora, God. You did good!

Ezra

 

Well, he is here. He got here on July 30th. Such a good day to be born. He was born on his Daddy's birthday. A very nice gift for a very nice daddy. I already am in love with him. He is so sweet and so very calm. Isn't he the cutest?

He came about 3 weeks early. He weighed in at 8 lbs. 1 oz. Very nice sized little guy. He has red hair and blue eyes (so far). Bethany's littlest baby. He is quite the little prince. We all ooh and aah about him, and he has probably already received 10,000 kisses. We all welcome him into our lives, and we didn't even know how much we loved him until we met him. His sisters love him with no bounds. They think he hung the moon. He is snuggley and he loves to be warm. He doesn't care for fans blowing, and he likes his formula warm. So little, yet so opinionated already.

He is precious. As are all of my grandchildren. There is nothing like them.

Clairey

Claire Victoria Marie Carter. Wow. What a little spitfire she is. I love this little girl so much. I think she is funny. I think she is way beyond smart. I know I am prejudiced, but she is incredibly bright. She isn't even 2 yet, and she barely talks (though, she is talking more and more each day), but she communicates so well. She tells us stories. She speaks Claireish. We don't always know what she is saying, but when she acts out a story, you understand what she is trying to say. She just uses her own words. Her own made up words. She is brave and fearless. She is very busy. I love nothing more than to hear her say, "Meema. Come on." She wants me to follow her wherever she takes me. I love how she loves me. She treats me like I am her favorite. I love that.

She has a delightful smile. Even as small as she is, she has a sense of humor. She loves to laugh. She is a wonder to behold. She didn't start out that way. She started out her little self as a screaming thrashing newborn. She wasn't happy at first, but she has made up for her rocky start by becoming a funny toddler. Now, this is not to say that she doesn't throw tantrums. She does. She is hilarious doing that, even when she is mad as all get out. She stomps her feet, she furrows her little brows, and she hollers out stuff that only she understands. She throws things. We love her in spite of all of that.

I can hardly wait to meet her new baby sister in the new year. Claire's mom is having a girl in January 2013, if not before. The new baby will be called Nora Elizabeth Jean. Such treasures are my grandchildren. Each and every one of them is so different. Each and every one of them is a blessing.

I pray that God will protect them every single day and that He will be with them all the days of their lives. I have that promise. I have that assurance. He is the heavenly father, and He loves them more than I do.

Personal Decisions

If something you choose to do is a "personal decision," then why bring it up on facebook? That makes it not "personal."

Political discussions are a lesson in futility. Religious affiliations are just that - affiliations. Changing some one's mind about cloth diapers will not happen one way or another. Your way isn't the only way. Either you do or you don't subscribe to either side of any given topic. This isn't rocket science, people.

If someone asks your opinion, give it. If they don't ask you for it, don't give it just because you can. While I may not agree with your stance, I have no right to try to force my own decision down your throat. If you ask me about it, I will tell you. If you don't ask, I don't feel it necessary to harangue you in print about your choices. Live and let live.

Pray for people you feel are making the wrong choices. Your opinion isn't the only opinion and it may not necessarily be the popular opinion, but it is yours and you are entitled to it. I feel more and more adamant every single day that nobody really wants to hear negativity about something they have already decided to do. They only want support. If you can't support them, so be it. You can still love them. You can still pray for them. You can still be their friend. Just disagreeing on a subject does not mean you write off the entire person because of it.

Everyone has their own opinions and beliefs and it is quite possible that you won't be able to change their mind. Just leave it at that. Jesus wants us to love our fellow man. Period.

Sadness Again

It has taken me awhile to blog about this because I was so mad about it. You see, my daughter lost one of her twins. Baby B. Baby A is doing fine and I should be happy about that. I am happy about that. BUT, I am still mad about Baby B. I have been so certain that whatever else was going on with the uterine hemorrhage, that God would honor my daughter and let her keep her babies. I had complete peace about it. This will probably be her last pregnancy. Apparently, God had other ideas. I have no idea why He didn't let her carry Baby B to delivery, but I have every assurance that he is in heaven with Jesus. I have no idea why He does allow stuff like this to happen. My daughter wanted these twins so much. Even if seems so unfair, the bottom line is this - No matter what happens, God is good all the time. His ways are not our ways. He knows how this life will play out. I am good with that.

I am allowed to be mad about Baby B. He allows my feeble attempt at being mad and throwing a temper tantrum because He knows me better than I know myself. I still honor God. I still love Jesus. I am still filled with the Holy Spirit. I know that my anger will wear itself out, I know that God will comfort me even when I act like a spoiled brat.

You don't stop loving your children just because they behave badly. He loves me still, He always will. I have that eternal assurance. He allows me to have my temper tantrums because He knows that ultimately, I will behave better because He lives inside my heart. God is good.

My three parts of my nuclear family have been broken in some way for a few weeks. My husband got a knee infection and had surgery on his knee. He was on IV antibiotics (that he administered himself through a PICC line) and housebound for about the last two weeks. My oldest child lost her twin and has been on bed rest for her pregnancy for about 6 weeks. She is amazing in her faith. My youngest daughter is now facing pre-pre eclampsia. She is on bed rest, too, and has a very positive attitude. Only for a few more days will she be on bed rest. She is scheduled to deliver her little boy on Monday. I can barely wait to see his little face. Things are starting to turn around for all three of them. I am so glad and thankful to Jesus that they are in His care.

You see, no matter what I am going through, I realize and recognize that God has my family in the palm of His hands. He will let nothing happen that He isn't in control of. Even my bad temper. Forgive me, Lord. I know you have my back. You always have. You always will.

8 - 9 - 10...

Well, it is official and I can now announce to the tiny world of my blog and say that my 39 year old daughter is having twins. She will be 40 when they are born. She is on bedrest for some sort of hemorrhage in her uterus that may or may not affect the pregnancy. As old as I am, and as many pregnancies I know about, I have never heard of this condition.

She is undeniably bored of being in her room. Luckily, her husband is home for the summer because he is a teacher. She has teenagers, two little ones, and a big house that needs looking after. Her husband is a good man. He is holding his own there. I am thankful he is in her life. We are so looking forward to these two wee ones due in January. We just have to be patient and wait until we can find out if we get one boy and one girl, or two boys, or two girls, and if they are fraternal or identical. So many things to look forward to.

My babiest girl is having her son on August 13th. For those of you that know me, know that these little ones will be my numbers 8, 9, and 10. Whew. I am going from 7 to 10 grandchildren in a matter of months. That is a lot of grandbabies. I love them all fiercely (born and unborn).

I'll tell you what. Having the stress of carrying concern about my daughters pregnancies is draining. I can happily say that it would be much worse if I didn't know that God is good and He is in control of my grandchildren. I know I can trust Him. I know that I can count on Him, no matter what happens. I know he has blessed me with seven other grandchildren that are nearly perfect.

I am concerned about my babiest daughter because of her past experience with her first pregnancy with her firstborn daughter. She had a lot of issues that I have expounded upon previously, so I won't bore you with that again. That said, I am a bit nervous about her delivery, not because I don't trust in God to get her through, but because my flesh won't let me not be nervous. I know without the grace of God, she would not be here today. I so praise Him for taking such good care of her the first time. I was so helpless. I trust Him to be with her through this birth as well.

Anyway, I don't want to dwell on that. I want to dwell on the fact that he is a boy baby. We have only had one other boy baby and that one is now 15 years old. How did that happen? Shew. Time flies.

I am excited to meet this little guy. His sisters prayed for him to come into their family. God does answer prayers. He will be an answered prayer. They asked for a baby brother, not just a baby. When we went for the ultrasound to find out the gender of him, I knew he was a boy because that is what his sisters prayed for. They each, in different grades at school with different teachers as well, wrote their Christmas wish for God to give them a baby brother. And he did. Do you realize how that will grow their faith in God? To know that He cares so much for them? I am usually wrong when guessing gender, but I was pretty sure that God would give those little girls the baby brother they had been praying for. And He did.

Anyway, my cup overflows with love for these children that I haven't even met yet.

Another One Gone

Well, I have lost a beloved Aunt to death. I loved her very much, even though I didn't see her often. She is a part of my childhood. She loved me when it seemed like no one else did. She was sweet and kind to me. She took care of me when my own mother was incapable of taking care of anyone. She used to say to me, "I sure do love you. I have loved you since you were a little bitty thing." This is true. She has always maintained that she loved me. She was never shy about telling me what a good girl I was when I was younger. She was a very kind person.

My Aunt Lucille. She moved a couple of years ago, so I hadn't seen her in ages. I will still miss her very much. My picture of her will always be with a smile on her face and a paper towel wrapped can in her hand. Her family is one of the few on my side of the family that I consider "close." I love that side of the family, but closeness isn't an adjective that I would use to characterize my relatives. My relatives are close knit among their immediate families, but no so much with the rest of us. (Not like my husband's side of the family - I would rather spend time with them than with anyone - I am very close to them.) Everyone loves at their own level. Not everyone loves well.

My cousins from Aunt Lucille are very precious to me. Peggy and Patty and Larry. They were good parts of my childhood. I remember them coming over a lot and playing games with us outside. We were together a lot. I am so sorry for their loss. I am sorry for my loss. I have a hard time talking about it. It follows too close on the heels of my mother-in-law. I still ache from missing her.

I would appreciate it if my family would stop dying for awhile. I am overwhelmed with sadness, once again. It brings back all kinds of melancholy. I feel things very deeply, I just don't always show it on the outside.

I pray for God to give them the peace that they will need in the coming months. It is hard to function normally and mourn. It feels like life should stop going on for just a little while. Thank you, God, for allowing my Aunt Lucille to be part of my life.

Mother's Day

It is nice to be a mother. I love my daughters so much. It is nice to be a grandmother, too. Very nice.

I got to see every single one of my grandchildren and both my girls and their husbands on this Mother's Day. I greatly missed the mothers that I used to have, but it was a great day, even still.

The weather was perfect, the company was excellent, and the food was quite delicious. I was very tired after that cook-out, but it was worth it - I chalk that up to my advancing age. Hearing the kids laughing and playing - that is such a delight to me. The kids were outside most of the day. They were in the kayak, going for a boat ride, paddling the paddle boat, crabbing, catching minnows, playing in the hammock, running and playing. It was so nice to see and hear. My girls used to do the same things in this same yard. I loved being with all of them.

It was a good day.

Mothers, or the lack thereof

Sad to say, but I am having a bit of a pity party for myself. This will be the very first time in my entire life that I will have no kind of mother in my life. It is so weird.

My own mother passed away a few years ago, my stepmother has been gone for many years, and my husband's mother (Paw) passed away in March. So, I am out of mothers. I have no mother. He has no mother. It makes me sad in ways that I am not fully understanding. I am a grown-up. I am a mother. My daughters are mothers. But, it still stands. I have no mother. Of any sort.

I have no mother at all. Not even an in-law mother. It feels really weird to not have anyone at all to buy a card for, or a flower for, or anything for. I haven't had a father or father-in-law for many years, but it didn't make me as nostalgic as this does. The first father's day that passed without either of them wasn't as hard or sad as this holiday is. I guess it is because I had a stepfather until a few years ago. I am bereft without my mother and my mother-in-law. I am weepy and very sad about this. I know it can't be changed, I know it will get easier with time, but in some ways, I don't want it to become easier. I want to not forget what it was like to have them around.

I feel the need to tell everyone that God made your mother just for you. God wants you to honor your mother. No matter what kind of mother you have. He didn't say to honor your mother if she deserves it. He just said honor your mother. Honor her. Honor as a verb is defined as such: to respect, worship or accept someone or something. To accept someone. Hmmm...

It doesn't matter that she won't be the best mother in the world, she won't be the kindest mother in the world, she won't be the prettiest mother in the world, she won't be the fairest mother in the world, she may not even be close to first in the mother of the year contest - but hear this - you only get one mother of your very own. I was so lucky that God gave me the mother-in-law that I got. I lucked out with her. She was such a dear soul. I miss her every single day. She stepped it up when I lost my biological mother. She was there in ways that my mother had never been.

I had a tumultuous childhood to say the least. My mother was not always there for me. Hardly ever there, to be truthful. There I said it. She wasn't there for me. My parents divorced when I was very young. Times were different. Times were hard. Times were not conducive to co-parenting like they are in today's world. Suffice to say, I was longing for a mother like I read about in stories. One that would braid my hair, talk to me about stuff, be my confidant, be my anchor, be my mother. Instead, I got a stepmother that wasn't all sweetness and light. I didn't see much of my mother when I was young, and it wasn't always her fault. I used to blame my mother for many of my failings. That I didn't have a good enough role model. The fact is, I got what I got. My favorite saying is "It is what it is." It is. Nothing can change the way she was. I finally got that through my thick skull and was able to accept her for what she really was, with all her flaws and everything. Then she went away again. This time for good. At least for now. I still long for the relationship that I wish I had with her.

This year marked the first Easter without a mother. This year marks the first Mother's day without a mother of any sort. This year will bring many many holidays without them. It just seems so strange. Kind of surreal. I don't much like it. I, like many others, took my mother and my mother-in-law for granted. I know that I didn't go to see them as often as I should have. I didn't call them as much as I should have. I just thought I would have more time than I did. Death isn't final. I get that. I will see them again in eternity. What is final, though, is that I won't see my mothers anymore on this earth. The earth is where I live. The earth is where I miss them.

Go hug your mom. You will really miss her when she isn't there anymore.

First One Without Her

I love Easter. I love it because of the ressurection of Jesus Christ. He rose! He lives!

I love the pretty clothes, I love the kids in their new outfits and shoes. I love the egg hunts and the excitement of the kids when they dive into those plastic eggs, hoping to get the cross and win a "prize." I love it because we get together with my most favorite people in the whole world. Our family. We eat, we parade, we sit around and talk. We just be together.

This year, however, we face our first holiday get together without our precious Paw. I am struggling with this fact. I can barely contain my tears when I think about it. Our first holiday without her. I can barely remember a holiday without her in it. I miss her every single day. I write this through my tears. I am choked up. Literally.

I know that sometimes it was a pain to have to spend the night at her house in order to take care of her. I know that sometimes I resented having to drop everything to tend to her. I know that sometimes I was short tempered because of circumstances. But, I never resented HER. I love her with a love that transcends her being my mother-in-law. She was a mother to me, a good friend, my counselor, my muse, my role model, my spiritual advisor. She was a lot of things to me. A burden - no, not ever. It was kind of like your children. You are aggravated a lot by them, but you wouldn't want them gone. I feel the same way about her. No matter whether or not you expect the passing, you are never ready for the reality of it.

She has always given her all to us without much complaint. She was a good mother, a good grandmother, a good wife. She blessed me with her uncomplaining ways. She taught me so much by example. She was never still. She needed a lot of care at the end days of her life. She didn't like the fact that she was so dependent on others. She who had always been the rock of the family. The matriarch.

At the end, I went over several times a week and just sat with her and held her hand while she slept and I prayed and prayed. I would stroke her cheek. I would sing softly to her. Sometimes I would lay my head on her pillow and just be with her. Remembering how vital she once was. How much she gave to us. I prayed that she wouldn't have to go hard. I prayed that her going would be easy. That she would just fall asleep and wake up in the arms of Jesus. I believe that is what happened. Amy says that she checked on her just a couple of hours before she found her gone, and she was peaceful. She said she didn't hear anything on the monitor to cause any kind of desperation. I believe that she went to sleep and awoke in the arms of Jesus. I thank you, God, for allowing it to be like that.

I don't want her to be gone, but the fact is, Jesus came and got her. She needed to go. She wanted to go. Her quality of life wasn't good. She was weary. She was in pain. She stopped eating and drinking. I know that she is not suffering anymore, that she is dancing and praising God in Heaven. I know all of these things in my head. But, my heart is still heavy. I miss her. I know how selfish that sounds.

Losing someone you love is always hard. The little kids that were so close to her are having it rough, too. They don't know what to do with the grief. They don't understand why it hurts so much when you know she is better off now. You want to be happy that she is in Heaven, and you are happy about that part. It is the leaving us that is the unhappy part. She left a Paw-sized hole in our lives.

I don't know how it is going to feel to go into that house and celebrate without her. I just don't know. The emotions will run high, I imagine. The tears will well up. Life will go on. We will do our traditional things and draw closer together because of her.

That is the way she would have wanted it.

Paw

I sit here today with an anxiety-ridden stomach ache, wanting to say something inspiring, something worth reading, but not knowing what that is. You see, my mother-in-law (everyone calls her Paw) is declining in health daily. She was pretty good on her eighty-fifth birthday. We threw her a party that she said she didn't want, but she seemed to have a good time, and she is always a good sport about things. She looked very pretty. Since then, though, she has been declining really quickly. She is completely bedridden, can hardly hear, and the Parkinson's disease has made it difficult for her to speak or eat properly. She now takes most of her medications orally, since it is so hard for her to swallow. She is wasting away because she doesn't eat much. She is tiny and frail. Now, to most folks, that sounds like what should happen to someone of her advanced age with the disease that her body suffers. The problem is, I don't think of her like that.

The Betty I remember was always doing something. She worked practically her entire life at a job. Then, if she wasn't physically in the yard cutting grass, puttering in flower beds, weeding gardens, watering plants, etc., she was in the house cooking and making meals from literally nothing, cleaning, or tending to myriads of children. Even when she was sitting, she was sewing on yo-yos or something. She was rarely idle. I learned from her how to make biscuits, how to make gravy, and how far you could stretch a small piece of meat to feed an entire family. You take one bite of meat, then three bites of bread. Voila! She taught me many things.

I had no idea families could be like hers. I was blessed to be married into her family. My family life at my house was not as idyllic as hers. Now, that doesn't mean they didn't have problems with the heater, the appliances, etc., it just meant that she ran a house like she ran her life. It is what it is and you make the best of it. She wasn't a big complainer. She was a "do the best you can with what you've got" kind of person.

Everyone liked going to Paw's house. It was a joyful place to go, because she always had time for us. There was always something to do. The kids played outside more than in. She sang to our kids, she listened to our complaints, she nurtured. At one point in our lives, we spent every single Sunday afternoon at her house, starting with dinner after church and then the rest of the afternoon outside in some capacity or other. She would get up way before everyone else and get the dinner started before she even got her kids up. Then she went to church with them.

I learned to love Jesus being around her. I met the Holy Spirit at one of the Bible Study meetings at her friend's house. I learned to worship my Jesus with abandon by watching her. She was a good role model. We had many theological discussions sitting in her living room. Not to say we didn't butt heads every once in awhile, but the good outweighed the bad about 95 to 1. She has always been precious to me. I hope she knows how much I love her.

As I contemplate her passing, I am saddened because I will miss her so very much. Her great-grandchild just got saved a few weeks ago because of her. Her legacy will live on.

Addy Lin, who is five, says, "You can't be sad. When Paw goes to heaven, she will be able to walk, to run, to talk, and to hear. She will be with Jesus. You gotta be happy about that."

Yeah, I guess I will be happy about that. I will be happy that she is in the arms of Jesus. I will just be sad because I will be missing the person. I will be sad for me because I will be missing my mother-in-law who felt more like a mother than an in-law. I will miss her sweet spirit. I will miss her unconditional love.

Doomsday

Well, we are all still here. Imagine that. I am not surprised. I honestly doubt that God is going to let people have advance notice of His son's re-appearance. He specifically said in the Bible that no one will know the exact day or hour of the second coming. Sure, the end times are here, but they have been here for years and years. I have been hearing about the end times for most of my adult life. We all need to be prepared for judgement day. We have work to do to make sure that everyone we know and love will be raptured or in heaven with us when the time comes. Our time may come before Jesus does, so we better be ready. I say, bring it. I am ready, are you?

Such a Waste

First of all, I am not trying to be hurtful, I am trying to sort this out.

An old family friend died recently from their own hand. I do NOT understand this. I understand depression. I have dealt with depression for over 20 years. I understand not wanting to get up and live life. I cannot understand taking the life that God gave me and wasting it. This person had children. Three lovely children. Those children will wake up one day and realize that their mother didn't care enough about them to stay around and be their mother. That is a fact. They will carry a void that cannot be filled by anyone else. I know about abandonment. My mother abandoned me for most of my childhood years. She, of course, blamed it on her ex-husband. It didn't matter. All that mattered to me was that my mother was gone and she didn't care enough about me to fight for me. My other parental units abandoned me with alcohol. Same thing, different method. Everyone has issues that we know nothing about. No one knows what goes on in the minds of other people. That is one reason we need to be forgiving of the treatment we receive from others. No one sets out to destroy their family on purpose. Except people who commit suicide. I feel that they do destroy their families on purpose. I feel that their selfishness destroys their family.

I am praying that these children do not carry those demons throughout their life, because I know that their parents loved those children. I know they only wanted the best for them. Really? Then why would you take your own life? Then why leave them with such a gaping wound? I know your pain is over, but the pain you left behind will haunt everyone that knew you. You did a horribly selfish thing.

I think suicide is the ultimate act of rage and selfishness.

Outpouring

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you. ~ Psalms 39:7, NLT

This was an encouraging word from KLOVE. It is true. Nothing we do or say or try to do or try to say can happen without the Lord. He is sovereign.

I have been amazed and awed at the outpouring of prayers on behalf of Silas Cameron. It is so great that we can be united to pray for this little boy without some of us even knowing him. I don't know him, I don't know his parents. I know my daughters love him and his family. That is enough for me. That is enough for friends of mine at church. People all over the country are praying for this little boy.

My mother's heart goes out to Silas' mother. I know they are faithful loving servants of God. They lost one son to this horrible thing that has attacked Silas. They have had several miscarriages on the way to having Silas. They have endured pain and sorrow. I am sure that they breathed a sigh of relief when Silas lived longer than Carter. Now the same thing is happening to Silas. I feel that we, as the body of Christ, have held the Cameron's up when they couldn't do it themselves. I know they are scared. That is a certainty. No matter what kind of faith you have, when your child is sick, nothing else matters. When your child is in critical condition, it is hard to hold on to your thoughts. Your thoughts are consumed with caring for that sick child. No matter how old they are. It seems unfair that the world still turns, that people still have to go to work, that bills have to be paid, that meals have to be eaten, that your other children need you, that life goes on. Their life is consumed by wanting to be with their son. They need to be in the hospital. They need to help him. Unfortunately, they cannot.

Only through God can their child be healed. The doctors need God to help them find out how to help that baby. I have woken myself up praying for Silas. I have poured out my heart to God to spare their little boy. That they shouldn't have to go through that kind of loss again. God is answering our prayers. I have claimed a miracle for Silas. I have prayed that he be 100% healed and that God is given all the glory for this healing. I feel like no matter how long it takes for this to happen, it will happen. I was very discouraged at first when I heard about this, but since the first 24 hours, I am convinced that God is going to heal this baby completely. I have no basis for this, just a gut feeling. I know my God is a God of miracles, and I believe that this is going to be one of His miracles.

Please continue to pray for Silas Cameron. God need to hear our unceasing prayers for this baby. God needs to know that we all have faith that He will heal this baby.

God wants to hear from you.

Christian One-Liners

Don't claim to have made any of these up. Got them in a forwarded email, but so many were funny - I had to repost:

Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

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Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.

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Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

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It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

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When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

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People are funny; They want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and the back of the church.

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Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on the front door forever.

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Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

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We're called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

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God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

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Some minds are like concrete - Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

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Peace starts with a smile.

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I don't know why some people change churches. What difference does it make which one you stay home from?

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A lot of church members singing 'Standing on the Promises' are just sitting on the premises.

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Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.

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Stop, Drop, and Roll won't work in Hell.

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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

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Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

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Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

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Forbidden fruits create many jams.

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God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

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God grades on the cross, not the curve.

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God loves everyone, but probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'

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God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

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He who angers you, controls you!

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If God is your co-pilot, swap seats!

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Prayer:

Don't give God instructions, just report for duty!

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The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

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The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

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We don't change the message, the message changes us.

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You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.

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The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

Romance

Romance means so much to so many people, and it is hard to know what to do. It is going to be Valentine's Day before you know it, and you probably already have a plan for that day. But, are you ready for day to day romance?

Here are some easy and cheap ways to romance your bride:

Surprise her! Fold the laundry so she can take a bath and read. You will reap the benefits (unless she falls asleep in the tub).

Take out the trash without having to be coaxed to do so, unless you do it all the time anyway, and in that case, good for you!! Pick up the living room without having to be asked, and without your commenting on the state of your house. A tired pissed off wife is not that much fun.

Play with your kids while dinner is being prepared by your spouse. They are your kids, too. Or, even better, cook dinner for her and the kids without her help. Clean as you go so that you don't have so much to clean up when dinner is over. I know, I know, you worked hard all day -- so did she, especially if she is a stay-at-home mom! The emotional and physical demands on a mother is more than you can possibly imagine. Do this without expecting an ovation for your sacrifice.

Take a turn helping with that darn homework. That is a chore that you can share with her.

If you come home and your wife isn't there and the house is a mess -- suffice it to say that she probably had plenty to do that distracted her from the housework -- help out and clean it up, because it is your house, too. She will be very happy to see that.

Take a turn putting your children to bed. I know you worked all day and are tired. So is everyone that lives and works and has children. Get over yourself and just do it. Your wife will be grateful, and your kids will love it. A special daddy is a daddy who takes time to just be with his kids. Read them some books, spend some time just talking to your kids. You'll be surprised at what goes on in those little minds. Your wife could be turned on by this.

If she is a mother, make a date with your kids every Saturday morning away from your house so that your wife can have a few hours to herself to do whatever it is that she wants. Don't give her a cheesy "coupon" book for future favors. Just do it and do it often.

Clean something that you know she hates to clean.

Love your wife the way she needs you to love her -- not the way you need to love her or the way you want to love her. You can learn what turns her on, you can learn what makes her feel loved. Pay attention to details. It honestly does not take all that much to figure out what makes her happy.

Here are some cheap and easy ways to romance your husband (besides the obvious one):

Have him watch whatever he wants on TV without your commentary on his choice of shows. You may not know this, but men are different than women (in most cases) regarding their choice of TV viewing. I promise you will not die if you have to watch that show about the alligators.

Rub his feet while he is watching said TV shows. Just relax and "be" with him. Don't try to discuss the days events while the TV is on. Save that for some other time. Men don't like to be hammered with conversation every minute they are home. Let them relax for awhile with silence and your companionship. Don't always be doing something else while he is relaxing--relax with him. He needs to be wanted.

Have sex and have it often. It is good for him and good for you. You may not always be in the mood,  but be in the moment, and you just might find out your mood is subject to change.

Love him the way he needs to be loved -- it might not be your way, but it is what he needs.

Men need respect. Make an effort to respect and love your husband for who he is -- not who you want him to be. You will be surprised at what happens.

Let him play computer games or video games if that is what floats his boat. Don't nag him about his choice of recreation. Is it really that important that he likes what you like all the time? So what if he likes a video game that you don't? What is the big deal? Do you want him controlling your leisure time? Probably not, so offer him the same courtesy. If the man is the head of the house (and that is what God intended), that means his opinion needs to be respected also. 

Make sure you connect during the day. A text message can work wonders in his day if it means you were thinking of him. Send him an email. Leave him a phone message. Just let him know that he matters to you.

This list is not intended to be all inclusive. Use your imagination. Treat him or her like they are your best friend. Treat them with the courtesy that you would treat an honored guest in your home. No one can do all these things all the time, but with practice, you can do most of them some of the time and watch the atmosphere in your home change. It is possible to live in a harmonious home.

People don't want love they can live with, they want love they can't live without. Love them like that. You'll be glad you did.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to anyone who actually reads this blog. I don't know of anyone who reads it regularly, not even my kids. Maybe when I pass on, they will be interested.

Anyway, I keep hearing this, "Now things can get back to normal." I don't want things to go back to normal. What is normal? Why not keep ourselves in the holiday mode all year long (except for the non-stop eating)? I think that more people probably think about Jesus in December than most months. I think that people are just happier during the holiday season once the shopping is done and the stage is set for the holidays. People seem kinder in December (all except the walmart employees). I wish we could keep that feeling of good will toward men all year long. I guess that is too much to ask.

I am very busy in January. I work in an office and I have to change all my files over to new ones for the new year. That means taking all the old ones out and putting them in file cabinets in the back room. That means that for the first month or two of this new year, I will be traipsing back and forth to the back to locate something that someone needs. I like organization, I am just not good at it. My desk looks a mess. I try really hard, but it doesn't come easy to me. I know I can find what I need, I just need to put it away instead of put it down. If only I could train myself to do that at home, too. Wow, that would be good.

I am stalling putting my Christmas decorations away. Not because I am particularly lazy, but because I really like my tree and hate to see it taken down. I know it has to go, but I am holding on for a bit.

I really want to go back to Weight Watchers, too. I know, it didn't take last year, but that shouldn't stop me from trying again, should it? I hate that I let myself get so fat again. I do it every single time. I sabotage myself. I have no one to blame but myself.

I love the holidays. I wish they lasted longer.

Sacrifice

Yesterday, at church, our sermon was about sacrifice. God sacrificed His ONLY Son for us. He let His son be born to die for us. Can you even wrap your head around that? God knows all -- He knew how His son was going to have to die. Yet, He sent Him to us anyway. Can you understand that? He knew in advance that His son would have to die a horrible death, yet he counted us as worth that sacrifice. Wow. I am without words to say to express my appreciation of His sacrifice. I am amazed that He thought I was worthy of such a sacrifice. I am amazed by the depths of His love for us. That He wants a relationship with us. That all He wants of us is for us to love Him.

My mother's heart is in awe of this fact. I have been saved for many years, yet I am sure that I wasn't aware until I held my first child how it must have felt for God to decide to sacrifice His son for us. Can you even imagine such a thing? Can you even fathom having a child just to watch them die a gruesome death? I love my little girl with a love I didn't know existed until I looked into her tiny face. It still amazes me that someone you hadn't even met before can captivate you so inexplicably in the instant you make eye contact. I loved her before she was born, but to see her face -- to look into those eyes. She had me in the palm of her hand.

When I almost lost my second daughter when she was an adult, I was feeling pain akin to no other I had ever felt before. Here I was, expecting a grandchild, expecting a normal delivery, expecting joy and happiness. For over a month, I was in a mother's hell. I didn't know from one day to the next if my baby girl was going to go home to Jesus. Glory be to God, I did not have to lose her. For that and for so many things, I praise my Creator for all He has done for me.

My point is, I didn't have to sacrifice my child. God did sacrifice His. He did it for me. He did it for you. God knows the pain of losing a child. God lives with the pain of rejection every single minute of every single day. Every single time He beckons one of His children to Him and they reject Him, He must feel this.

Do something for Him. Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour. You'll never be sorry.

It's a Wonderful Life...

Merry Christmas.

As I ponder what is important this holiday season, besides Jesus being the obvious choice, I seem to keep going back to my family. I know, I harp on how great a family I have, but it is true. We have some characters in our family, and they know who they are (I am one of them). The fact that you can choose your friends, but not your family is certainly true. Honestly, I love spending holidays with my family members. Some of those family members are my friends, too. I love the holidays when we just spend the day together. Sitting around talking and sharing time together. Sounds trite, but it isn't really. I just love it.

I think I would enjoy living on a commune with my girls and their families. They are a fun lot of people. I am thankful to God for giving my oldest child a man who actually loves her and puts her first in his life. I don't have to worry about whether or not he loves her children -- you can see how much he does. She is happy, and that makes me happy. My youngest has a man who cherishes her and their kids. He is the perfect man for her. I doubt if my children would like to live on a commune with me, so I will settle for them living in the same proximity that I live. I love that I can see them whenever I need to.

I love my grandchildren with a love that is totally different from my children. Very strong and protective, very gentle and sweet. I don't have to raise them into people, so I can just love them. And I do. So very much. None of them are perfect, but they are perfect enough for me.

I just watched It's a Wonderful Life the other night on TV. It is a holiday favorite of mine. (I also like Christmas Vacation and the Grinch as well.) Anyway, I was thinking what would change if I had never been born, and it blows me away to realize what wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been born. I didn't have the greatest of childhoods, and am by no means as important as George Bailey was to his community, but I have value. I have worth. If it weren't for me, my children wouldn't have been born, nor would I have my grandchildren. We all impact each other, whether we are aware of it or not. I pray that my impact would be a positive one. I have so many people who love me, and I am very blessed.

All in all, I have a wonderful life.

Scrooges

What is it about Christmas that brings out the worst in people? The sour pusses that complain about all things Christmas. I am talking about the Scrooges of the world. I am talking to the ones who hate spending money on presents, who hate to decorate their homes, who hate Christmas music, who secretly or not so secretly hate those of us that love Christmas. The ones who say they don't even want any presents so that they don't have to buy any for anyone else. The ones that bah humbug so much that they ruin the holidays for the ones that love it. They say that Christmas has gone all commercial and it is all about the presents. I beg to differ.

Christmas is all about remembering the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Sure, we all get presents, and most of us like that, but it isn't the focus of our Christmas. Christmas Eve service at Waters Edge is my focus. I am so excited to be there again this year. I love my church. I love my church for many reasons, and one of them is the Christmas Eve service. My family plans their festivities around this service. It is always mind blowing. It is always Christ focused. It is always worth attending. Those involved in the Christmas Eve service give up much of their holiday time planning, practicing, and investing in the service. Those people sacrifice their time, their family time, their talents, and sometimes their money to be sure that the Christmas Eve service at Waters Edge is unforgettable for those that attend. You would know what I am talking about if you ever went to one of our Christmas Eve services. I don't plan on missing out on an amazing extravaganza of talent, a beautiful heartfelt message, and some of the best music in town. If you don't have a church home, you are welcome to join our church. It is a place that will change the way you feel about church. We do things differently, but we do it good!

One thing to the scrooges of the world - Don't spread your negativity to those of us who love all the things about Christmas. Just let us go about loving the holiday and all that goes with it. Don't rain on our parade. It is okay to not like it, it is not okay to be such a grump that you make others miserable. Give it a try. Do it differently this year. Go with the flow. Enjoy yourself. You might just change your mind if you let the spirit of the holiday get inside you.

I love the Christmas message, I love the presents, I love the shopping, I love the faces of the children when they get "just what they wanted." I love the baking, the celebrating, the parties, the clothes, I love all of this holiday, and I especially love Jesus Christ, and am forever humbled by what he did to make this possible. I celebrate the birth of our Lord because he came willingly to lay down His life for me. I never have to be separated from Him - NOT EVER.

Eternity with Jesus Christ. Don't leave this world without it. Merry Christmas everyone!

It's that time again...

Yes, I am going to write about Eden's birthday again. I can't escape the feelings that come to the surface at this time of year. She will be 7 years old tomorrow. I love that kid. She is such a blessing. She has her moments (just ask her Mom), but all in all, she is pretty great. She puts pressure on herself to do well in school, she overreacts to stress, she can be a handful, but she has my heart. There is something pretty special about her. Having a grandchild is such a wondrous thing. I almost lost my precious daughter when Eden was born, but God in His infinite wisdom decided that it wasn't time for her to go. I am forever grateful that He let her heal and stay on earth with us. The emotions that come up at this time of year are pretty overwhelming sometimes. I am not dwelling on the sadness of the whole thing, but the weeping that I do is because of what God did in spite of everything that happened. God gave me a peace about Bethany that is hard to fathom. I never experienced a total reliance on God as I did during that time. My daughter's life was in His hands, and I was totally powerless--there was nothing that I could do to help her. It was up to Him whether she lived or died. I am happy that she lived, I am grateful to God for her healing. I think that I need reminding sometimes of that feeling of total reliance on God. Sometimes I feel like I take Him for granted and only need to think back on that time of great stress to realize that He is with me always. He will never leave me or forsake me. I have that assurance through His Son!

I have to say, though, that all of my grandchildren are pretty special. I reflect on how lucky I am to have such good daughters and grandchildren. I am so blessed by them. Every single one of them has strengths and gifts that are different from the other.

Julia is so artistic and blessed by a gift of being able to draw magnificently. She loves the Lord, she is beautiful and graceful.

Aubrey is just a blessing. She dances quite well, and I am so impressed by that because I can't keep time with music. Aubrey is a beautiful child who loves the Lord and has a quiet spirit -- she feels things very deeply, yet doesn't show it all the time.

Chase is my only grandson. I love him to no end. He is athletic, and very kind spirited. He is fun to be around. He is a good boy.

Lila is just a hoot. She is so smart. Such fun. She says some of the funniest things. Her intelligence has been apparent since she was very little. I expect her to grow to be a woman of God. Chris had some trouble when she was born--Lila was very large and was stuck inside. It was very scary. God chose to protect Chris and Lila during that time, and I am so grateful for His grace.

Eden loves the Lord. She is very dramatic and so much fun to be around. She got baptized this year. I was honored to be there when she did it.

Addy Lin is amazing. That little girl is like a whirling top. Always spinning out of control. She has a very sweet spirit, and she is loving most of the time. She loves her big sister and sometimes goes out of her way to show everyone that.

I am expecting Claire very soon and can't wait to get to know her. All in all, I think my grandchildren are the best!

Thank you, God. You did good. You picked the perfect family for me.

Just thinking...

I wonder what happens to people who you thought were your friends? What happens when they drop out of your life? What are you supposed to think? I used to think I was a pretty good friend, but now, I am not so sure. Several people in my life have dropped out of my life. Completely dropped out. I am very sad about this. What makes it okay to be friends for awhile, then stop being friends? Stop emailing? Stop talking? Stop finding time to be together? Unfriending me on facebook? I realized the other day that if it weren't for my immediate family, I would have very few (if any) friends. I love my family, but family is not what I am talking about today. I am talking about friends. Friends that I invested myself in. Friends that I guess I let down in some way. What is it about me that makes me so easy to forget? What have I done consciously or unconsciously to become nothing more than an acquaintance? I must be hard to be friends with, that is all I can think of. I didn't think I was a high maintenance friend, but maybe I am. I am going to pray about this and see if I can get an answer.

I am not asking for compliments. I am not trying to get attention. I am not depressed. I am just thinking about this a lot lately. I am just trying to figure this all out.

Children

I have had babies on the brain lately. It started with a baby shower this past weekend. Pregnancy possibility. Then a private adoption thing I heard about. Seeing a new mother with her adopted child. Finding out the sex of a friend's baby. The couple in our church going through IVF. There are so many ways to have a baby. No matter how you get your baby, the end result is universal. Your lives will never be the same again.

I think it is a good thing. Having a child (no matter how that is accomplished) is one way to be sure that you won't be selfish anymore. Nothing like having a child to make you think about someone besides yourself. Those little things demand to be taken care of. Very loudly. Very fervently. Very often. The rewards of having a child are many. Those unexpected hugs around the neck from a sweaty little person are precious. The joy of watching them sit up for the first time, their first smile, their first tooth, their first steps. Such great milestones. Watching them grow is a miracle to behold.

Babies are so cute. Babies are so sweet. Babies sometimes smell delicious, sometimes not. Then they grow up, or at least they think they are grown up.

God give us our children as babies so that we will fall in love with them and not kill them during their high school years.

If you ran an ad for a teenager -- who would want it? Teenagers are typically depicted as surly, smart-mouthed, sleepy, selfish, grouchy, relentlessly needy people. Some of the teenagers I know are certainly like that, though some are not at all like that. Some pre-teen kids are already on that track. Some elementary school children are on that track. Some parents allow their children to speak to them in ways they would not let another human being on earth talk to them. Why do they do that? Because those children have worn their parents down and they are helpless to defend themselves. You know that the Grand Canyon was just a trickle of water to start with, don't you? But, after years and years of relentless dripping, the Grand Canyon became what it is today. That is how teenagers get their way. Hours and hours of constant, relentless begging. Honestly, I think most children should be locked away from the time they are 16 until they are about 25. That is when they start realizing that their parents aren't as stupid as they thought they were.

It is true. We have control over what we will take from people. People treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. So, how come the kids today are allowed to be so disrespectful to their parents and other adults? Because we allow them that freedom. It isn't a good thing. Our children are the next generation's adults. Surly, rude adults in some cases.

I feel old. Honestly, I am sure that every generation's grandmas and grandpas have thought that the children of today get away with way more than they ever got away with. It is true. Mothers and Fathers on the whole hate the music their children listen to incessantly, disapprove of their choice of friends, don't like the way their room always looks, and generally they don't like the time they spend on the phone and computer. The way they dress is questionable, also. That is a whole topic in and of itself. Who is the first parent who said "Let's get a pair of really short shorts that show off the buttocks, and put the word 'JUICY' on the back of it and let our beautiful child wear them." Seriously? Why would you want that on your child's butt? Why do you allow your child to wear such a garment? What has happened to modesty? What has happened to courtesy? How did this happen?

We have let it happen. Our generation raised a generation of adults that said, in effect, that nothing is their fault. It is all your parents fault. Nothing is wrong with you. You are perfect. What a crock. No parent ever got up every day and said, "What can I do today to screw up my kid?" Sometimes it is your fault. You made a wrong choice, you took the wrong path. Your parent didn't stand over you and make you do anything. As an adult, you get to choose the paths you take. You make your own choices. You can either be a victim of your upbringing, or let your upbringing just be part of what makes you your own person. Everyone endures adversity. It is how we handle that adversity that makes us strong, not the adversity itself. Our reactions and choices make us into responsible, happy adults, or makes us into whiny, self-absorbed, miserable adults. Stop letting your children talk to you like you are nothing. Stop letting them decide where you eat dinner. Stop letting them make the decisions about themselves -- they don't know what is best for them. Take charge of those kids and raise them into people we can be proud of. Respectful, honest, God-fearing people.

That is all we want for our kids, so it is our responsibility to help mold them with those intentions. So go raise your kid to be the kind of person you think everyone would like to emulate. Go on, you can do it!